Had a rough day. Dreamt of wife, most likely because she texted last night. About a bill. I did something different and replied, just in case this was an excuse to talk to me then she had the opening, she didn't. I was kind and told her thank you for keeping track of my bill. Nothing crazy. Then I had that dream and then some bad dreams and it like always threw me off. Got to work, annoyed with a co worker and it's month end, i think I've mentioned in finance it's a busy few days. And I made a few mistakes it just wasn't a great day. And then I got a text that the information on my cell plan had been changed...not sure what my w is up to but I don't want to ask. And I can't log on to check Cus I don't have my log in information.
I'm just having a day. Where I question my life, how I got here, why I'm here. How do I get past this. What can I do? Why if I'm generally happy with my life then why do I still feel empty and why I miss my wife and daughter and old life so much? Am I just being ungreateful? Are they truly missing from my life? Am I just letting my emotions get the best of me? How can I shake this? Why do I even have these days? When will I feel okay again? When will I stop missing my w? Does my w have these emotionally charged days? Does she miss me like I miss her? I just feel like she's so far again...actually like never before. My w is so far and there's not a thing I can do or say to bring her closer.
