It's been a while since I have updated everyone and I am really not much farther along in the process than I was at the time of my last posting. I felt a lot better after my trip, but that was very short lived. I still haven't made any progress towards detaching as hard as I have tried. My WW still goes to the OM's house many nights a week, and it is absolutely killing me. I have fallen back into the slump of not being able to eat, not being able to sleep, not being able to focus on anything other than the situation.
We are still in "limbo" waiting on W to decide if she wants to work on the M or not, all the while she continues the relationship with OM. She makes it seem like that isn't a big deal, when in fact it is a huge deal to me. Also, I did confront her over at his house again recently and she basically showed no emotion...I mean NONE. She just looked at me as if she were an empty shell of a person.
I'm not sure exactly what I am looking for with this post other than people to converse with I suppose. I have read the "homework" a dozen times, but I still don't seem to make any progress.
I still pay the cell phone bill and car insurance, and have thought about telling her that I will discontinue that as I feel like I am financing her affair...but I feel like she truly thinks she is not having an affair. I am truly desperate at this point. I'm 3 months into this and feel almost identical to day one!
You are financing her affair so why not stop paying for that stuff? Go talk to a lawyer. (I've been saying that all week to people and I don't even like lawyers)
- m and ww in 30s - s4 - m 11 yrs, t12 -ilybinilwy ~5/16 + request for OM - bd 7/16, confirm ea and strongly suspected pa - 9/16 ww claimed to have broken contact with om
So, this is a clear boundary issue. Your W is 'carrying on' (in whatever form with OM.) She knows you are really unhappy about that and she appears not to really care. Meanwhile, the situation is making you Ill.
On the basis of - you only get to control you and not her - what are you going to do about this?
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
She did make her decision. There really is no limbo. Her decision right now is that she is choosing to have an affair and not work on your marriage.
She is cake eating to the fullest. I would no longer finance her affair definitely talk to a lawyer. I am sorry you are living through this and it is so difficult. But nothing is going to change unless you take action. And by action, take into control what can possibly be under your control.
1. No one will be in a relationship with someone they do not respect .... her actions show she does not respect you currently.
2. This is a Cake-Eat Buffet for her, she can come and go and spend her fun time with OM while you pay the bills and wait for her to make up her mind ... why would she stop at this point ... there must be consequences for our actions and from what I read there just aren't any.
3. Until you stand up for yourself, set and hold some boundaries .. she will continue to do as she wishes. You are afraid that if you stand up to her you will lose her but I am here to tell you that by not standing up for yourself she will be gone regardless ... it will just be a much slower and painful death.
4. At some point you are going to have to make a hard decision, we all know this current set up is not what you want but in the spirit of trying to 'save' your M you are not wanting to rock the boat .... You must decide stand up now for yourself ... or continue feeding her the cake and being miserable.
Change does not happen until there is enough pain that we are forced to change ... you have to decide when you have suffered enough in order to grow.
Change does not happen until there is enough pain that we are forced to change ... you have to decide when you have suffered enough in order to grow.
Wow. This is so right on. Have to keep this in mind. Thanks CaliGuy!
M46 W48 M11 T14 S11 D8 BD: 2016/05/27 In-home separation: 2016/11/23 Nesting: 2017/06/11 W moves out: 2018/01/07 W goes public with OM: 2018/07/12 I ask for a divorce: 2018/12/14
- m and ww in 30s - s4 - m 11 yrs, t12 -ilybinilwy ~5/16 + request for OM - bd 7/16, confirm ea and strongly suspected pa - 9/16 ww claimed to have broken contact with om
