This used to be way easier - and a lot more fun!

[DonH]

I knew I was way past due for an update - didn't know it had been nearly a month and a half! Although I have been posting elsewhere around the board so it's not like I've not commented or updated here and there about my life. Anyhow, the problem now is there will be so much to update... It's going to be a long one. I'll try to keep it as brief as I can.

So I have tried to employ some of the suggestions made here. To that end I backed off from online. I've also tried to change my outlook and attitude - being more playful and a bit more "Doodler." I have most certainly seen some movement and changes although nothing earth shattering and I can't say it's due to anything I'm doing. I much more think it's just the natural ebb and flow of life.

So... here's where I'm at. When I last posted here I was into a bit of a funk and was heading out of state for Thanksgiving. I had a GREAT time and I mean GREAT. It was so much fun on multiple fronts (music performance, seeing old friends, meeting new) and I met several new people and connected more with someone I previously knew. Clearly GAL works - at least for me. My challenge is setting up the GAL activities. This one was actually my doing and I am good at it but don't do it often these days. Met a typical online dater - self professed by her (of course from a different state than me). She's the daughter of an older musician friend of my's new wife. He's widowed and remarried rather quickly after his wife's sudden death. Anyhow, if this daughter is typical of the type of women I'm meeting online (but never meeting in person) it's no wonder and I'm fine with not meeting them. Not to say she was not nice, fun, pretty good looking, just very much like the WW or WAW we talk about here - at least I thought so.

Then on the last night, I connected and yes made out (no sex though) with someone I've known for a while, just not well. Remember how I've got them all over the USA but not here near me? There is Arkansas, Virginia, and now add Canada to that. She very much pursued me - which is often what it takes for me. We've been in touch very regularly although, here we go... I'm very turned off by her CONSTANTLY being there. Good lesson here for all of us. If I text, she responds in seconds - no matter what time of day. If I don't respond, she keeps texting. If I so much as pick up my phone and turn it on, evidently she can tell as she's there in minutes. HUGE TURN OFF. I was attracted to her personality and intelligence, less so her looks, but I'm proud of myself on that actually. I've always had to have personality and intelligence over looks - although it is a package. So I don't think this is me being "love avoident" near as much as she's just not for me as I get to know her more. Yet, I want someone to travel with, do things with, etc. She invited me to go somewhere for her birthday but I just can't. She seems like head over heals for me and I just don't feel it and again I have to just admit, it's a turn off for someone to be that into me after one weekend together, but much more so clingy. It's the lack of space, the pursing, the constant, I don't know, pursuit? Folks, these DB principles work in other than DB situations. It's the same in dating.

Then, I don't know if the moons have just aligned or what but I've been connecting with ladies in a casual way all over the place. Well perhaps not all over the place but way more than usual for me. Is it something I'm doing different? I don't know. I'm in a store, see someone interesting, end up in check out line together and she starts talking to me. At a restaurant with my mom and dad, single women comes in to purchase a gift certificate, I smile at her and said something and she totally has a conversation with me while we all waited and makes a point of saying goodbye and wishing me a Merry Christmas on her way out. Thought I saw a wedding ring though?

Then, there is this... Two years ago on Christmas eve, again with my mom and dad at church, this very pretty, but perhaps a bit too young for me single lady comes in. Of course the church is packed and she needs a seat. She ended up right in front of me and would you not know it, not two minutes later a nice but 85+ year old woman gets seated next to me. I joked after with my friends how bad my luck is with the hot blonde getting seated ahead of me and the grandma next to me. So anyhow, I got her name when she wrote it on the communion card - very unique name. Talk about cyber stalking LOL it took me less than a minute to find her on Facebook. I sent her a short message "You sat one pew too far forward in church - just sayin. Hope you have a very Merry Christmas." I figured that was safe to do. Again, that was two years ago. I never heard anything. So one week before Christmas this year - yes two years later, what do you think I got? "I literally just saw this now! Was this the church in [my town]? Hope you are well." Now because FB previously did not deliver messages unless you were friends, heck they used to charge $1 to send a message to non-friends for a while, now changed the rules again, I'm sure that's part of why she never saw it before and just found it. Yet she replied two years later. We've been texting a bit but not a lot. She does want to meet for coffee or a drink after the NY. She's a bit young for me. I'm 53 and she just turned 42 or 43, so not too bad. Divorced 4 or 5 years with no kids. So we'll see. We've both kept things pretty light although she although she responds quickly if I message her - we've just not talked a lot. I figured I'd save it for in person if that happens - esepically since she's not been overly talkative on text.

So that is the fastest update I can provide. Lessons learned/re-learned: GAL really does work for making ME feel better. I just need to push myself to do it. Sometimes trying less gets you more. Smile, start conversations, etc. Be a little bit (just a little bit) more like Doodler. And perhaps most of all, I have no control over it. Just as I had a rather long dry spell, things will heat up after a while. It's not on my time table.

Oh, and my favorite lady, the widow from Arkansas is still in the picture. We've been talking and texting more again. She's on vacation with her kids right now. I am for sure planning two trips next year and will casually invite her to be part of either of them and see where it goes. Thing is, among our discussions in the past month, we both very clearly have no intention of moving. Other than that, she would still be at the top of my list.

Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and is looking forward to the new year. I know I'm in a different place than most people here on this board (other than the Surviving section) so it's a rough time of the year for many. At least if you somehow are still on a roller coaster, it's the kiddie coaster at this point - the ups and downs are very minor when compared.