I can't tell you how much it made my day to wake up and hear from you Shotgun and Twinmom. I'm definitely starting to save to come and see you both. It will be the French invasion !
While back home my sister took the kids away to buy me a perfume and a book. In a way I'm blessed that H still acknowledges me as he never got anything from his first partner. It's sad to say and admit it but at one point I wanted my kids to hate him for what he did, but he is their father. At the moment he is good with them (probably something he'd have never been able to do with me as he knew I'd always be there). It's a shame as I still believe he has goodness in him and we could have lived a beautiful life. On the other hand if BD hadn't happened I'd never have been forced to look deep inside me and realised how negative I was/ still am but less.
So what are my plans? I have removed myself from dating websites as I know I'm not ready. My hardest work this coming year is to challenge my mind and heart. Challenge my heart by transforming my love for H to a sibling love, and to trust my heart that everything will work out in the end. My biggest challenge this coming year is dealing with my mind. I can't believe how much negativity is ingrained within me, now I can see how I have been toxic for H and in a way I can't blame him for leaving me. Although I don't agree on how it has been done. I know that as long as I don't deal with my mind I'll carry on to attract the wrong partner.
It's funny but it feels like for some reasons I have put some mental walls that prevent me from letting go and enjoying life. If one of you here would ask me what my dreams are, I can honestly say that I don't know and THIS what I need to discover. What does Rouky want in her life? What are her dreams?
