D and MLC

[ciluzen]

Hey bttrfly! Thanks for checking on me! I wish I had a peaceful holiday, too. In some ways it was, but in others...well, a lot went on.

I can't even begin to remember the chronology of the whole thing, but I'll try to go over the "highlights" for the sake of journaling. ITS GOING TO BE A LONG POST!

My mother flew up on her birthday and at her pre-arranged request, I took her straight from the airport to a beautiful restauraunt with a view of "the Falls" and the river. My D26, her H, D24, her boyfriend, me and mom were all able to celebrate her 80th birthday together. It made her very happy even though she was extremely exhausted from her trip. My D24 was showing signs of a barely suppressed anxiety attack, however, and she and her boyfriend left right after. This concerned my mom quite a bit so I ended up explaining that although D is in treatment, she isnt very consistant with self care or taking her meds.

I really didn't study while my mom was here...every time I'd pick up a book or turn on my computer she'd start talking to me, which was fine. Usually about H, which got a bit tiresome. Mostly questions I either couldn't answer or that I really wanted to shout, "that's none of your business!" instead. I didn't; I was a LITTLE more tactful than that. She really kept dwelling on the fact that she had gotten him two presents for Christmas and kept hoping out loud that he'd like them, almost as if there was some magic in giving him a Taco Bell gift card that would bring us back together again. Ahhh...hopefulness.

H called quite a bit for various reasons. He wanted to give me money towards D26's present, but forgot that we had both contributed to her H's present in cash, so had gotten him a gift card. He had also gotten something for D24 as had I. Basically, it came down to him wanting to pay for all of the kids' presents, but have them be from both of us. Which was interesting. I then told him that I was planning to send his parents a floral centerpiece for Christmas (I do so every year because they love them) and he thought that would be great. He then asked if it could be from us both. So, I made sure it was.

My mother got to meet a few of my friends as they dropped by with holiday gifts...that made her so happy! We also drove around the area so that she could understand where in the city my apartment was...the lay of the land, so to speak. She really loved the beautiful snowy drives through the state park and the holiday lights. The neighborhoods of older craftsman homes really excited her and she felt like she had gone back to the Christmas times of her youth.

Christmas Eve day my D24 informed me at 3 in the morning that her boyfriend (who had spoken of marrying her) had cheated on her and she was struggling but had to sleep and then go to work. I had to force my self to honor her request to let her "deal".

Christmas Eve another friend came over for dinner with my mother and I and we had a wonderful time! We talked over appetizers and I kept running into the kitchen (thank God for small apartments)but didn't miss a word. I love to cook, so along with salad and scalloped potatoes I made a medley of scallops, shrimp and rock lobster tail with broccolini, asparagus, and green beans in a white wine and herbed butter sauce, wrapped in paper and cooked in the oven. Dessert was spiced pears and a brandied carmel over vanilla gelato. I really enjoy creating enjoyable food, so cooking for these two ladies and making them happy was a great present for me.

Christmas Day at about 2am I recieved a text from D24 that she was being taken to a hospital for a psych evaluation by a friend and the boyfriend. I let H know, so we ended up talking through the situation and texting throughout the day until D24 was sent home. We honored her request to not come to the hospital. As two "control freaks" this was a big deal. She just wanted to sleep. I let my mom know a little bit without giving up too much info, because D24 was supposed to come over Christmas morning and now couldn't.

Christmas dinner was just me, my mom and H at my D26 and her H's house. It was very nice. She is becoming a very good cook (both D are) and had made a very good turkey that she had "wine-brined" for two days. We all got to meet her Christmas puppy (she got him a few weeks earlier)- 13 weeks old and already a pretty big Aussie Shep/Border Collie pup!

We all took turns opening gifts. H was surprised that my mother gave him gifts. After much debate, I had bought him a Christmas gift, as well. Back story: I'm horrible at giving people gifts. Last year I gave him nothing...in fact, we didn't even see each other at Christmas. I finally, after seeing the terrible shape his ski gloves were in, realized I could actually give him a great gift that he'd love. I got him a pair of very nice ski mittens with built in gloves. He was surprised...and very, very appreciative. After a lovely night of good food and good conversation, I even got a very nice, "old H" bear hug with his face against the side of mine (not quite a kiss, but close). He stayed to speak to D26 about her sister while I took my mom home. H did call to let me know 2 days later that he used his gloves and that they were wonderful. MLCer is poking his head out for the holidays...

I've gotten a call almost every day, two yesterday. Once again, they start off with a wierd reason, but take an hour...mostly him talking, venting, etc. Pretty sure its loneliness and the fact that he has taken time off. I know he has a houseful at the vacation home over New Year's because D26 was planning on going and he was going to have to sleep on the couch. The house sleeps 16 comfortably and more on couches and futons in the "rumpus room". I may offer him the blowup mattress I got for my mom. I actually dont feel so left out anymore...those people matter less and less to me since I havent seen or heard from them in about a year and I have friends who actually treat me as a friend. Big difference.

We did manage a gift exchange with D24 the night before my mom left. She seems to be doing ok. We will see. She still lives with the boyfriend (they have separate rooms) and two other people. I hope she can find some inner strength to get healthy. H and I will be meeting to discuss a unified approach to how we deal with this...and her. We should.