Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 8

[PsySara]

Came home early today as I am not feeling well. Thought I'd give a basic update. WH continues to speak only monosyllables or grunt/responses to me but I continue to make myself scarce and fill my time talking to friends or working on my PMA. Mostly I've been facing the fear of living without WH and dismantling it. That way I can try apply the techniques of MWD and make decisions from clarity and without regrets.

Last night WH came home from work and washed and waxed my car, he responded with a full sentence when I asked him about some of the closing paperwork. There was less tension between us but we are still living separate/parallel lives. This AM I texted him, "Thank you for washing my car, you always do a fantastic job." No response from him but totally expected. I've been combing over my marriage memories and have decided I don't want WH back if all he can give me is who he used to be. I will only move forward if he starts to improve himself, become more responsible for his own emotional well being and works to undo his severe dysfunction. I definitely will not take him back while I work from a point of fear and rage, I need to be sure I am on solid ground before working on a M.

I still have severe ups and downs but I am able to be more proactive on controlling the flow. I feel more focused and the anxiety is occurring less frequently. I have an appointment with the IC this Friday and we'll see how that goes.