Thanks for the Christmas wish ... and all things considered its not the Christmas any of us want but like all things we keep moving forward the best we can.
Looks like you are going through your emotions and actually coming to grips with them a bit. One of the things that was brought up to me early on was the difference between Cali, and the hurt little boy I had inside. That little boy wanted his wife back and would stop at nothing to get that cookie, cry, scream, pout, Yell "I love you" all in hopes to manipulate just for that cookie. I had to cage that kid ... hardcore..... but the more I grew the more I realized just how unattractive that little boy was and how brutally ineffective he was at getting his way. He was replaced with Clint .... and the journey to Cali 2.0 began. This is the only journey you have control of and the New Year is just as good a time as any for you to turn your focus inward and change the things you actually can change and allow her to go about her journey.
You are really doing well ... you are sharing your inner feelings here ... as a man that's tough to do because we were programmed early on to not do such things. Many here can read what you write and help nudge you along as we have all stumbled on those same rocks, been smacked with the same 2x4's, and in my case I was force fed those same strawberry STFU smoothies and worn out 4-5 spew jackets.
