Since you are back in the MBR, my suggestion is to stay there. If anyone moves out again, it should be her. Don't get into a knockdown drag out trying to force her out. In fact, I would not mention it for now. I think you need to get more grounded about what to do, before lunging into something else.

I've been meaning to ask.......... if you work all day, and she stays home with one four-year old child, why are you the parent to tend to the child during the evenings and throughout the night? I know what was posted, but what is the true reason that she gets to go off alone, and hang the closed sign out on her door? I mean really, this is one child who will probably enroll in kindergarten next year.........and your W just turns everything over to you as soon as you get home? Just think about it.

While you think about it, there may be several things that come to mind in how you try to be accomadating, to prevent a rucus. If I had to guess, I would say you fall into the category of H's who will do most anything to keep peace with the W, especially if she rules by her mood swings. The older I get, the more important it is to have peace in my life. People can compromise a lot to have peace. After working all day at the job, you don't want to go home and deal with anything that threatens a peaceful evening. I get it. My concern in what I am seeing in young families today, is H's being bullied and threatened by the moods of the W. He doesn't want to do something that might set her off. It is no different than the schoolyard bully. The H will do most anything to avoid conflict with the bully. Problem is, the bully knows it, and things get worse.

Well I strayed away from what I originally wanted to post. Just threw all that additional in free of charge. wink

If you're still reading along, I want to encourage you to take no big leaps without discussing it with the board first. B/c people do it before they know what they are really doing.......and then they have a bigger problem to face.

I hope you will read all my threads on wayward wives. Also, I believe Vanilla has some threads about abuse, as well as Surfer. I think you need to read these threads with an open mind to the possibilities it could be your current situation.

Previously, you asked me about who should initiate sex. Well, if you read the WW threads, you will probably see my opinion about it. Not everyone agrees about having sex or not. I am wondering if you may get confused about some of these issues b/c you are trying to be a better H........or rather, what you think a better H would do. I suggest this is not the time period for overtly demonstrating your ideas of a better a H. Your idea about a better H......and what she really needs......could be completely opposite. Some WW's don't even give truthful explanations about what they really want in their H.

Your love may not be phased by your W's behavior. That is fine. I am not saying to stop loving her. I am saying that what you demonstrate going forward in this, may look differently than what you have previously shown her (the catering, accommodation, availability, etc.) However, your love is still there. You will be able to return to the outward show of affection, as soon as she stops being abusive and wayward. In the meantime, you should observe her interactions with you, and determine if you detect a lack of respect. Everything is based on either having your W's respect, or having the lack of respect. As a wife, she will not desire you without feeling respect for you. Even if she has sex, it doesn't mean it's you she is desiring. frown. The proof is in her actions/behavior toward her H.

What is desperately needed is for you to be a man who has confidence, and who is not afraid to stand up to his bullying, wayward wife. A man who refuses to take her abuse, or to continue enabling her bad behavior. A man who knows what he will not tolerate, and is not afraid to set boundaries against the intolerable. A man who commands respect from those who live under his roof. A man who will not rescue his abusive wife when she faces consequences of her own doing. Well, I could go on & on, but I hope you get the picture. If executed properly, you will become the H she needs.....and wants (although she probably won't tell you until she stops being abusive and wayward).

Your W will not get the message through your words. She receives the message through your actions.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!