What you read is true...some have to go through the divorce and when this happens, the LBS is no longer a threat to them, so many of them then can focus on themselves and the healing process.
As you have pointed out, w do not have control over what they feel, say or do. They are the only ones that can fix themselves. All we can do is protect our children as best as we can and continue living our lives (as if they may not return).
Keep the focus on you and your children.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
