Sara, b4 your thread gets locked, I just needed to say this.
I understand your fear. Heck, I am still experiencing it.
I am not going to tell you bs about the pain and the fear going away magically. I also won't tell you bs about how you need to woman up and sweep these emotions under the rug.
We are entitled to our emotions. Right or wrong, moral or amoral, they serve a purpose. They tell us what we need to do to protect ourselves.
You fear that your kids will suffer if your M breaks down. In a D, there will always be scars. There will be pain, hurt and regret. It's total rubbish to say that kids aren't hurt by D.
But Sara, you've been trying so hard. And look at yourself, you're proof that you can defy the odds. Teach your kids the same skills that you've used. They need these skills regardless of how your M turns out.
The best you can do now is to take care of yourself. You don't have to choose to opt out of the M yet but you need to keep on even keel. Feel your fear and acknowledge what it's trying to tell you. Then act despite your fear; dont let fear cloud your judgment.
Pull back, Sara, pull back.
The fat lady hasn't sung yet. Remember what's in the stickies? Believe none of what they say and half of what they do.
Your h wants a D? Then let him do the dirty work. But get all your ducks in a row.
What has helped me is my religion. I pour myself into it and it provides me comfort. Perhaps you could find the same support from your faith?
(((Sara)))
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
