Talk about rollercoaster!!!!! Geez. I don't know if its better to have those high moments of hope along with the bad, or just to stay in the low times, but the pendulum effect is strong! One minute, mostly at night time after he's ignored me all day, he gets nice and starts to say he loves me so much and wants this to work and how he wants to go to the gym to look good for me, to the next day of "you're a harlot, slut, whore..." and every other word you can imagine. Christmas was rough....like really rough. A couple of nights before that, he said he was going to go meet up with our friend, who happens to be a girl and only one of two people he's told our situation to. He didn't want me to go because it was the first time he'd seen her face to face since this, and of course I knew they would talk about it. It was just down the road and I assumed he'd be gone about an hour and a half...no more than 2. Well, he was gone for 4 and while I wanted him to have a good time, it bothered me that he didn't even text and say he was still there and it would be a while. I mentioned it to him the next day that if we are going to try to make this work, we have to keep the lines of communication open and a simple text would have been nice. Fast forward to Christmas. I spent all of Christmas Eve and Christmas day cooking and cleaning because his family was coming over for Christmas dinner. He literally sat on the couch doing nothing and started his little quips on Christmas Day...saying mean things to me. At one point I asked him if it would be better if I just finished making dinner and left so he and his family could have a good Christmas. He said he wished it were that easy...again, just being mean, but I knew it was going to be really really hard to keep a smile for his family when he was making it difficult. His family showed up and he got worse. Of course, it was behind the scenes and subtle because they don't know about this. We all sat down to eat and he tried to sit away from me, but we were all couples so he was "forced" to sit next to me and openly said "unfortunately." Everyone was thanking me for all the hard work and food and he changed the subject and told everyone who knows this other girl he went out with two nights ago that she text him and told him "Happy Festivus." They started talking about her some and he says "yeah, I actually just went out with her a few nights ago." My heart broke into a million pieces and luckily I had finished eating so I got up and went to the backroom and couldn't keep back the tears. He came back a few minutes later and got mad at me for going in the backroom. I told him he was making it impossible for me to keep a smile on in front of his family. He told me yep he was doing it on purpose because I'm a loser and a waste of space. Christmas sucked big time!!!! Then, like nothing happened later that night, he goes right back to loving me and telling me that he wants this to work. I just can't deal with the ups and downs like this. I get rollercoaster...but seriously this is insane.
