Ex simply did not work as a team unit. He functioned based on what was best for him. When I tried to get him to work torwards family needs he made it out like I was a nag, controlling, or needy. He feels that he was the one who sacrificed everything. I don't feel that way at all. He was completely avoidant, and lived independently.
I look back and I am honestly repulsed by him. But I also feel traumatized and obsessed and that's a hard one. The way I felt during the entire marriage was frusturated by husband. So at one point I was frusturated and now I am repulsed.
Really, he was copying his own family dynamics though. He thinks he is right. I don't believe he regrets anything. His mother said to me once "he doesn't know better. That's how his father was" when I complained that he wasn't spending time with son. So at least I know it's not just me.
Regarding the slave/master analogy. I did have characteristics of the "slave". I was really disorganized regarding finances. I basically was overwhelmed And just left it up to him. I think there were points in which I tried, and it just turned into fights. I don't know if he was embarassed at having to admit to being unable to save, or if he was intentionally keeping info from me. But really this was an area I was really negligent in and it's coming back to bite me.
The words and vocabulary, I use were dead on to turtles descriptions of slave words. The "I don't knows". And the passivity. But I don't know about husband. husband was simply not around. So I don't think he necessarily controlled me. More that he refused to be part of our marriage and family. And that's what confused me.
Had he controlled it would have meant he was looking to lead and participate in a family.... in an unhealthy way yes, but at least he woukd have wanted a part of the family in some way regardless.
