By the grace of God

[mleigh4]

Bttrfly, Irish, Job Merry Christmas to you and everyone else! I hope your day was peaceful and loving.

Well, the holiday went very well. I had been on a holiday high all week, so I was ready for good times.

Saturday S and I started with a visit to my mom. This was a first in years, I usually avoid her like the plague. Since our blowout this year, when I cut her out of my life, then us working on things, and mostly, finally getting her heartfelt apology for the way she has treated me, things have been better between us. The visit went well and I was glad we went.

Afterwards, S and I stopped off for a quick visit to one of my girlfriends, I was looking forward to seeing her kids home from college.

After, we met up with H at MIL. Big step for me!! I haven't been in 3 years. One SIL was there, so it was nice to see her. The other SIL is still MIA, but hopefully safe (has drug issues) Everyone voiced they were really happy to see me, it was strangely comfortable, not awkward.

S and I headed back home. H was going to meet us there later to stay the night. He showed up with his unwrapped gifts and wrapped them in the other room. His annual wrap on Christmas Eve event! He was done after S and I went to bed, he decided to sleep in S bed with him. Lol, I might bite, right!? Actually, Sleeping arrangements were never brought up, I figured just let it play out, didn't matter to me.

I woke up to H and S talking and went in to all snuggle together, then up for presents. H had them all displayed nicely, he even remembered to fill my stocking this time! (Last year he didn't, try explaining that one to S! We had to sneak candy in it) We made a big breakfast and hung out for the day. It was very comfortable and very normal. FIL came over later that evening and wrapped up the night. When H left to go home, S exclaimed, you're leaving?? So, it's back to reality.

H opened up to me about having to fire our friend he works with after the holidays. It surprised me that he did, since I had accused H of not treating him very well. I listened and validated, even asked him how he felt about that, then comforted his dread of the upcoming termination and loss of a friend.

I find the time spent together nice, you all know that, but it is confusing. I wonder to myself, how did we get here?? How can we enjoy each other so much, it's so obvious, yet be in this place?

I finished my book on forgiveness and am just letting it all sink in. I am just going to go with the flow, let the holidays play out, enjoy it for what it is, and do my best to not let it get too deep. I had a good cry release in the shower today, just grieving still for our loss, for all of us. But very grateful we are able to continue positive memories during such a difficult time.

Wishing you all a very Happy New Year. I am thinking of goals for myself and have some good ones in mind.

Xxoo