[BrightFuture]

Bttrfly, Irish, HaWho, thanks for stopping by.
Merry Christmas to all of you! Merry Christmas to everyone who has been here for me over the years. I could not have done it without all your support!

Bttrfly, thank you for the words of support. I needed to hear that, even thought I was determined to do just that, enjoy my time and be an authentic me, BrightNow! And I think I succeeded. It was not hard at all.

So, H did show up for the Christmas dinner at our friends'. He even gave me a hug and wished me Merry Christmas, HA! (I assume that because everyone was doing it...) There were 4 couples, a 96 year old father of one of the couples, me, H and my friends' 4 year old. Another single guy didn't show up. So, when everyone took a seat at the table, there were two seats left next to H. Luckily, my mutual GF saw that and took a seat next to H, so she was in between me and H. One of the couples met H for the first time, I don't think they knew how we were related. They were seating in front of us and making a conversation with me and H. I kept waiting for an awkward question to pop up, but nothing happened. Wheeewww...


H lasted the whole evening again. After two couples left, we gathered closer at one of tables and continued the conversations. There were a few more topics came up that involved our history. There was no tension, we were laughing and making jokes, just like in old days. H even poked a couple of jokes at me. We had quite a few drinks by then... I was so proud of myself. I didn't feel any anxiety. I didn't hold back on any comments because H was there. I was just myself.

Need to mention that H said he was invited to a couple other dinners/parties and he stopped there before coming to my friends' house. My mutual GF told me today that she saw one of the guys who hosted one of the parties (who we all know and who is aware of our sitch) and he said that H told him that he would come back to his party after he visits with us. The guy asked how late we stayed, and was surprised that H stayed for that long and never made it back to his party. I think I went to my condo at about 1 or 2 am, don't remember exactly after many drinks... I think H left right before me. H probably had an exit plan when he told the guy he would come back to his house, in case H would feel uncomfortable. But... it seems like he felt very comfortable with us, and this is why he stayed all the way till the end.

I'm trying not make anything out of it. Maybe he is testing the waters on being friends, like he imagined at BD. Our male friend (the house host) told me the story the other day (after our first dinner where H was present) about his GF in his younger days before he was married to his wife. He said that they dated for about 2-3 year, then they split and then after they split and when he was married and she was married to her H, they became good friends. So, he was trying to make a point that H and I could be these friends one day. To which I said that 2-3 years of dating doesn't compare with almost 17 years of marriage, and I don't think we could be friends like that. But, maybe H has the same kind of idea. Except... what was holding him all these years? I was always friendly and didn't mind being in his company (with other people of course). It seemed like he was the one who had an issue. But... why now? This is totally unreal... Him not looking me in the eyes when stopping by the house... and then spending two evenings in my company. I can't even recall all the conversations and all observations I was making. I know there were a few... For example that H sounded like his "old" self in most of the conversations.

I just hope it will not come to bite me... meaning it will not set me back again. I need to keep focused on my own life. BTW, forgot to mention that I've been staying at my new condo! And it feels great!

Going back to my friends’ house now for some leftovers.