Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 7

[PsySara]

Dory,
You are absolutely right, I must let go. I examine why I regress so much. For every step forward I feel like I slip back 3. I think it comes down to my need to feel in control. And as we all know, we have absolutely zero control over those that betray us, if we could we would never know the pain of infidelity. Also fear is a HUGE issue for me, I fear my children will suffer if WH is not in their lives. I fear my children will end up like my brothers, broken men who exist but do not truly live. But in the end I can only be the best mother I can be and pray it will suffice. I also have to lay to rest the fantasy I had growing up of raising my children in a whole home. I used to be so proud that I had found such a stable, strong and honorable man. I used to admire my husband so much. Now...I don't know who this man is.

Skm,
I can't take credit for the wisdom I typed, it was lifted straight from Dr Phil. Today I was struggling to decide which friends to turn to. I am very guilty of trying to always be the strong one. I need to grab the life vest instead of treading water until I sink.

Surfer,
I feel mixed about the snooping, I think I would have been much more prepared for dday #2 if I had a head's up. I would have handled it much calmer and controlled that's for sure. But the shock caught me off guard and I reacted as opposed to acted.

At this time WH has said maybe a handful of words to me this entire week. Mostly he just grunts when I greet him. While I find it annoying because it's passive aggressive I am not hanging onto his every reaction. I still have waves of sadness and anger hit me but I am working on re-framing my thought process. I got my NP friend to prescribe AD to me today and will start them tomorrow. Something small but meaningful I did today was back my own car into the garage. I have been too nervous since I scratched it and WH has been doing it for me. I figure if I am going to move on I need to start parking my own car, haha. I was ridiculously proud of myself after successfully completing it.

WH is on call until 7 pm tonight which is a bit of a relief when it comes to detaching. I have already cooked dinner, fed the kids, bathed them and put the baby to bed. Now I am treating myself to watching reruns of Game of Thrones and eating holiday food.