A Father, that was called a Super Hero-Wolverine

[SH_]

Yesterday was...it was...a deeper darker place than I thought possible.
I believed that I had prepared myself for the day...the fight of what I knew would be a challenge for me.
I have believed that I had experienced the lowest sense of loneliness and sadness already...

Watching my daughters drive away early Christmas morning demonstrated to me that there is sill more pain to experience...more pain to endure...

But...

I am still here today...
I am still pushing forward...
I am still learning lessons that will make me stronger...

This song really hit home with me as I heard it this morning.

All my life
Been running from a pain in me
A feeling I don't understand
Holding me down

So rain on me
Underwater
All I am, getting harder
A heavy weight
I carry around

Today
I don't have to fall apart
I don't have to be afraid
I don't have to let the damage
Consume me,
My shadow see through me

'Cause fear in itself
Will reel you in and spit you out
Over and over again
Believe in yourself
And you will walk
Now, fear in itself
Will use you up and break you down
Like you were never enough
Yeah, I used to fall, now I get back up.

I'm up here
I'm looking at the way down there
I'm staring through the I don't care
It's staring back at me

The beauty is
I'm learning how to face my beast
Starting now to find some peace
Set myself free, yeah

Today
I don't have to fall apart
I don't have to be afraid
I don't have to let the damage consume me
My shadow see through me

'Cause fear in itself
Will reel you in and spit you out
Over and over again
Believe in yourself
And you will walk
And now, fear in itself
Will use you up and break you down
Like you were never enough
I used to fall but now I get back up

I'm moving on
Oh God just move on

Today
I don't have to fall apart
I don't have to be afraid
Get back up
Get up

Feel it, fear, wow
And now fear, fear in itself can use you up
And then breaks you down
You're never enough
And I used to fall

Breathe
Ask for more
If you're bitter still
Ask him to help you carry on

Thank you to those few guardian angels and dear friends that checked in with me yesterday as I hid from the world to numb the pain.
Your kindness and compasion helped me endure the challenge and the pain.
You know who you are...you teach me lessons that I am comprehending and will apply. You provide me with strength and wisdom to get up and continue the fight.

I have spoken and shared much on the topic of Fear in my time here...
Fear is a formidable foe...but in my belief it is one that we are meant to conquer in this life...one that we are meant to push through so that we can unleash our potential in this universe...one that is throwing many blows into my face and heart as I try and shake it off and stand back up.
I am bruised...
I am cut...
I am exhausted...
I have tears on my cheek...
I have a hole in my heart...
I still choose to not be bitter
I choose to ask him for strength to carry on.

But I am still here...
I am still standing...

For those that read this...keep pushing on.
Do not let fear...that is all it is...hold you back.

May you experience peace and joy this holiday season.