That's me in the spotlight

[Altair]

Hi all, made it through Xmas in one piece.
Christmas morning, MIL texted me a happy holidays. That made me feel good. Christmas eve, I asked H to call me to wrap up the medical stuff. We talked for a bit. He said he wanted 'a little more space' until the new year as he 'is still processing things'. But that we'd talk after the new year. (I have over analyzed this conversation to an extreme degree)
He said things like he's having trouble sleeping in his place but he doesn't want people to worry about him. I assume people are fussing over him and worrying about him, but it certainly isn't coming from me, as I haven't seen him or spoken to him since October. He told me a bit about what's going on with his family and some work stuff. As since BD, he never asks about me and I don't talk about myself. I did say, and I don't know if this was a mistake or if it even matters when the health stuff was happening that I was asking for help as a friend would. He has seemed to relax on the phone immensely since I used the word friend. Took off pressure? I don't know.
Anyway, we chatted for a bit about his life, then he said we'd talk in the new year.
Then I went to Vegas (where I am now)and played Paigo poker for hours and hours, lost 70 which is fine, and I've been people watching and sitting and thinking about my life, a lot.
Conclusions right now? H is a pretty depressed person. All the while when I thought he was not an angry person, it turns out he was, it was just directed inward or towards me in a ball of resentment. Now, since his therapy, I think he is more open about his frustration with me and honestly, it's too much. I'm not perfect. He gets frustrated with his mother or father for some ridiculous things they do, but he loves them and accepts them. WIth me, no, I don't get a pass. A small action on my part is unforgivable. I see this now, his intolerance and lack of respect for me. It's sad to see. But I am stronger now and don't live with him and don't see him so the tiny doses of it don't crush me anymore. I am ok.