No 2X4's from me because you already know what you did and shouldn't have done. I do want to point out one thing...He told you he didn't want to talk about the relationship and that got your hackles up. You have to understand, he doesn't want to think about the relationship right now. Learn to respect his wishes when he says he doesn't want to do something. This is his journey to take and unfortunately, you weren't invited on it, nor do you want to be on it w/him. This is all about him, not you.
So, here's my advice, keep your expectations to zero. You are expecting him to be the man who lived under the same roof w/you...he's not. He's got issues that he needs to resolve and he can't do that if you are "expecting" him to be a certain way. Learn to accept him for who he is today.
Coly, your biggest enemy right now is fear. You are allowing fear to drive your emotions and you are clutching on to that rope too tightly. Drop the rope a bit. I don't see him going anywhere, but he will get tired of the "expectatios" that you are putting on him to be there as a family member.
Give him some space. How can he miss him wife, family and home if he's there all of the time? You come across as very insecure and needy. You have to find a way to become more self confident, independent and drop the fear of losing him. Just remember, the more you push, the more he'll go the other way.
Find things that you and your daughter can do together this holiday season. Make some new traditions that the two of you can share. Please, please, give your h some space.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
