So I have gotten through Christmas. It was tough but my boys had a great day so that made it easier. W spent the night at my house Christmas Eve. We put the kids to bed and then out all the gifts out once they were asleep.
Christmas morning I was up early. I couldn't sleep because I was a little anxious about the day. W and the boys woke up and we all went down to open presents. Afterwards W was getting ready after her shower and asked me if I was going to be alright with her still going to my family's. She said I was being short with her and she didn't want us to be uncomfortable all day. I told her it would be fine and that the fact that this could be the last Christmas as a family was bothering me a little. I said I wish I could not be bothered by it like her. She said don't think you know what is going on inside my head because you don't.(amen to that).
We went to my Moms house. We did all of the usual Christmas things we do every year. At one point I walked out to the kitchen and my W and Grandmother were hugging and crying. This hurt because I know my GM loves her so much and this is tearing her up.
After my Moms we went to the IL for their Christmas. It was a lot of fun. My IL are great. They all are very supportive of me. We did dinner and some presents. After that I said I was going to go home and clean up a little. S7 wanted to come with me so I took him along. I cleaned up some then S7 and I built one of the Lego sets he got from Santa.
W came in about an hour later to retrieve her things with S10 and S4. I helped her get some things together for the boys. At one point I said Merry Christmas and gave her a hug. We stopped for a second and looked into each other's eyes, she was crying, and gave each other a kiss. We hugged again then packed up her truck and they were on their way.
Today is the first day of my new life. She is officially moved out and on to the next step of her journey. I am ready to move forward but not move on. I will be the lighthouse. I look forward to finding out what makes me happy outside of my relationship with my W. It won't be easy but no matter what gets thrown at me I know I will be ok.
Me:42 W:37 M:18 T:23 3S: 4,7,10 EA 6/16 ILYBNILWY 7/16 9/16 separate BR 10/16 Discernment Counseling She's moving out 1/17
It's sad and scary to have taken fhaf step but I believe that ultimately you will be better in the end either way. Hang in there.
- m and ww in 30s - s4 - m 11 yrs, t12 -ilybinilwy ~5/16 + request for OM - bd 7/16, confirm ea and strongly suspected pa - 9/16 ww claimed to have broken contact with om
I made it through the first official day of seperation pretty smoothly. Worked a normal day then got back in the gym after. The last month or so I haven't been making enough time to get my workouts in. The gym will now be part of my regular routine going forward.
I texted W to ask her to contact the cable company because they had messed up our accounts when she moved and needed her authorization for it to be fixed. She asked me to come over to her house and we could do it on the phone together. The call with the company lasted about an hour and a half. The call was frustrating but W and I had a couple of laughs during it. When we were done I made sure not to linger and said goodnight. This is something I had thought about on my way to her house. As much as I would have liked to hang out with her I would only stay longer if she invited me to.
I went home and made some dinner. I then decided that rather than sit at home alone I would go to my friends house and watch some football. After I was exhausted so I went home and straight to bed.
I get my boys tonight so I am looking forward to that. I think I will try to plan something fun for us to do tonight.
Me:42 W:37 M:18 T:23 3S: 4,7,10 EA 6/16 ILYBNILWY 7/16 9/16 separate BR 10/16 Discernment Counseling She's moving out 1/17
Had a nice day today. Worked and then took the boys out to see the new Star Wars movie. They loved it and so did I.
The one thing that has me scratching my head is that even though W has been moved out for 2 days on both days she has called and tm me several times a day. I guess I had this picture in my head of her moving and us just not talking at all. I make sure not to contact her but she seems to have gotten comfortable contacting me every day.
I am listening to No More Mr Nice Guy audiobook the last couple of days. A lot of what is in there I can relate to. I am most definitely a people pleaser when it comes to my wife. I realize now that I need to put my needs first and to not kiss her butt as much especially in the current sitch. She wants a man that will take charge not a pushover. Over the years I lost sight of that and lost track of who I am as a man.
Me:42 W:37 M:18 T:23 3S: 4,7,10 EA 6/16 ILYBNILWY 7/16 9/16 separate BR 10/16 Discernment Counseling She's moving out 1/17
Sounds like a great day all around. What did the w text about?
(Do you think rogue one was ok for S4?)
- m and ww in 30s - s4 - m 11 yrs, t12 -ilybinilwy ~5/16 + request for OM - bd 7/16, confirm ea and strongly suspected pa - 9/16 ww claimed to have broken contact with om
It was a very good stress free day. Ws text was asking if she left something in the closet. The weird thing is she knows she totally cleared everything out of the closet when she left. I try not to mind read but it almost seems like she is now the one who is afraid to "let go".
The movie was ok for my youngest. The only thing he didn't like was that it was pretty long.
W came to my house this morning so I could have the boys overnight. She was going to keep them since I didn't have a sitter but she offered to come early in the morning so they could stay the night. That was nice of her.
I read through all of the sitch on here where the W is spewing and just diwn right mean to the LBS. I look at my W and she is anything but mean and nasty toward me. I am glad that she doesn't lash out at me but I think that makes it that much more confusing. I just wish I knew if she was softening or just trying to keep the peace. She isn't getting anything from me now so what is it she's is holding on to. She wanted to get out and now that she is "free" it seems she doesn't know what to do with herself.
Me:42 W:37 M:18 T:23 3S: 4,7,10 EA 6/16 ILYBNILWY 7/16 9/16 separate BR 10/16 Discernment Counseling She's moving out 1/17
BillyHo...I understand how confusing it is, but from what I have seen, none of it will ever make any sense to us. I am going thru the same thing you are and it totally stinks.
In my case she wanted me around her during Christmas, but after the festivities were over, she was back out the door.
Only time will tell, but as someone on the boards keeps reminding me...when/if she ever decides she wants to come back home, you will know it for sure.
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
W just texted me. Would I want to keep the boys while she goes to the store later. The boys don't want to go. I said yes but not until after I am done at the gym. At some point do I put my foot down and say "this is your S and this is the stuff you have to deal with when you are on your own". Or do I just take advantage of being able to spend a couple extra hours with my kids? This is day 3 of S and we are in as much contact as when we lived in the same house. This crap is just too weird to wrap my head around.
Me:42 W:37 M:18 T:23 3S: 4,7,10 EA 6/16 ILYBNILWY 7/16 9/16 separate BR 10/16 Discernment Counseling She's moving out 1/17
BillyHo...I am too new to this to give you advice for sure. I hope some of the vets around here will give you some sound advice that will allow you to make the right call. Good luck.
My sitch as far as contact is the opposite of yours...my wife pulled away and stopped calling/texting as much right after BD, but then went totally dark once she moved out, unless it had to do with money or the kids. I hope and pray that things work out for you and your family.
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
