Hanging and hoping- seperation edition

[BillyHo]

So I have gotten through Christmas. It was tough but my boys had a great day so that made it easier. W spent the night at my house Christmas Eve. We put the kids to bed and then out all the gifts out once they were asleep.

Christmas morning I was up early. I couldn't sleep because I was a little anxious about the day. W and the boys woke up and we all went down to open presents. Afterwards W was getting ready after her shower and asked me if I was going to be alright with her still going to my family's. She said I was being short with her and she didn't want us to be uncomfortable all day. I told her it would be fine and that the fact that this could be the last Christmas as a family was bothering me a little. I said I wish I could not be bothered by it like her. She said don't think you know what is going on inside my head because you don't.(amen to that).

We went to my Moms house. We did all of the usual Christmas things we do every year. At one point I walked out to the kitchen and my W and Grandmother were hugging and crying. This hurt because I know my GM loves her so much and this is tearing her up.

After my Moms we went to the IL for their Christmas. It was a lot of fun. My IL are great. They all are very supportive of me. We did dinner and some presents. After that I said I was going to go home and clean up a little. S7 wanted to come with me so I took him along. I cleaned up some then S7 and I built one of the Lego sets he got from Santa.

W came in about an hour later to retrieve her things with S10 and S4. I helped her get some things together for the boys. At one point I said Merry Christmas and gave her a hug. We stopped for a second and looked into each other's eyes, she was crying, and gave each other a kiss. We hugged again then packed up her truck and they were on their way.

Today is the first day of my new life. She is officially moved out and on to the next step of her journey. I am ready to move forward but not move on. I will be the lighthouse. I look forward to finding out what makes me happy outside of my relationship with my W. It won't be easy but no matter what gets thrown at me I know I will be ok.