Blu....thanks for the words of advice and support.
I know that since all of this has happened I have really tried to give up control and what I have found was that things usually do work out alright...it's not easy to do...but I'm going to continue to let go of things. Having patience has not been one of my better qualities, but I'm working on that.
If my husband has regret I have not seen it in a very long time. When I first found out about the affair he showed shame and guilt, but I never really saw what I thought was regret or remorse. I have a very strong personality and he, like your husband, has the Nice Guy Syndrome, never one to rock the boat. He likes to be a people pleaser, and will go out of his way to help people, but unfortunately those people are usually women. Unfortunately he has a lot of women clients, so if one of them mentions something he is the first one to offer help, but he won't help me with things around my (our) house?
I think he doesn't really have a clue how he is feeling, or what he is supposed to feel. His father never showed emotion when he was growing up, and when all of this came out his parents didn't want to talk about it with him when he brought it up, and his dad told him that he doesn't like to show emotion. Their only priority with him in all of this is to help him "move on" but that doesn't mean deal with things. They are not a family that deals with emotional issues at all. They are British
When we were communicating he said he felt "numb" a lot. I also think he might be depressed, even though he would never admit it because in his mind that is a negative thing and he likes to say he is a positive person. He mentioned his doctor told him he needs to start taking better care of himself. His only priority in life is to work out every day.
I can't worry about him and need to focus on me ..... which is hard, but I'm learning.
