BluWave....what you said about giving up control really struck a cord with me. In my job I have to be in control of a lot of different decisions and unfortunately that carried over into my married life. I'm sure it did not make my H feel secure. And what I know see is that my way was not always the best way, even though I thought it was the right way.
Thank you so much for opening up and being honest about your struggles in your marriage. Like you my husband had an affair. I kicked him out the day I learned of it....that was 13 months ago. He only made one short lived attempt to reconcile, which obviously did not work. But what I have since learned was that was not a genuine attempt on his part and he was pressured into reconciling by me. I have since learned that never works. We both have a lot of work to do on ourselves before that can happen.
Now I am focusing on me and trying to make myself a better person. This is very hard, but reading your posts does give me hope.
Hi skm, Thanks for stopping by. I'm glad that my posts are helpful. When I was going through my separation, it was comforting to read here and know that I wasn't alone.
Giving up control is hard! I have always been a controlling type person and the decision maker--at work and at home--and I know this resulted in a negative impact on my M. My H is submissive, had the Nice Guy Syndrome, and when things got hard, he didn't stand up for himself, he grew to resent me. I think we are now learning to break those habits.
If your WH is making short lived attempts, that may indicate that he has regrets or is second guessing himself. He may eventually come around. My H had several half hearted attempts, was full of guilt, and admits now it felt wrong the entire time he was with OW. The thing is, these things take time. It can take months or even years for relationships to sort out.
So if you are a type A person or someone that is comfortable being in control, having patience can be especially hard! Try and go easy on yourself, forgive yourself often, and know that in time these things work out as they should. One thing that helped me was giving myself permission to put all the bad freelings aside, even if only for a couple hours, and enjoy moments and time with other people. Overtime it gets easier.
Best of luck and happy holidays! Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
