MLC W and preparing for S or D in the new year

[Steady9]

Gordie
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9. Not scheduling dates - we have had a weekly date night for years; we are still doing these; and think these continue to be good times for us...
-->just stop this one--by saying, "I don't want to do this anymore..." (you do not need to explain or defend...IMO)
11. Not saying ILY - W still says ILY to me and I still say ILY to her...almost every day...
--> Stop saying ILY.....(I am reconciling with my W for two months, but I do not say ILY yet.... she does everyday...but I am investing in the R but want to wait until I decide to say ILY and she respects that...)
15. Don't be overly talkative - W and I are still quite talkative, most days...not R stuff, but just about everything else...
--> Hmmm, just talk less....act like she is a checkout girl... brief, polite and to the point, but not emotional.... I think women can tell when me are attached emotionally or not... yo can be detached and polite...
17. "Make your partner think that you have had an awakening and...you are moving on with your life..." ...not sure how to do this...short of rushing the S or D proceedings...help!
--> goes with detachment...actions... for me it was fitness. I would run, lift weights and use a rowing machine about everyday...My W would come and look for me in the house, and I would be working out versus watching TV for example.
19. Do not be cold - I think when I try to detach, it comes across as cold...need to improve here...how to detach and be warm?
--> A checkout girl or waitress or flight attendant interacts with you and you are polite, not rude, but you are not attached to them.... it needs to be like that IMHO...
20. Hold off on M talks - I don't initiate, but my W does want to talk about our M at least once or twice a week
[/quote] -->> Simply say I am not interested in talking about that now... and again no explanation needed.

Now you have to practice a few times is my guess.... what will your W say when you are tough with her.... so be ready to stick to you answer...and simply repeat it, and then go on with some task....

For me, I said, people make their own choices, I do not own you, you are free to make your own choices, and I am letting you go now....

It was my tone or facial expression or something that caused her to "believe" me. I did not yell etc.. (I am a novice compared to others here, so just sharing what I did )

I think it took a day or two... but then she started actions to stay with me.

I hope this is helpful. My main advice is you got to get in to the zone in your head. You got to be this new guy---because, either way, win or lose, it is your best shot to win....and your best shot to be happy with how you handled it years from now...

Sandi says it---do what works