Thanks buttfly, I'm feeling much better. I let it go too long before I went to the dr so it took me longer to recover but alright now. Kids snapped right back though.
Guilt turned outward; I think that fits well. Especially for the reasons she gets mad at me (dogs, baking with kids, getting sick). It must be terrible for her she looks like a different person.
I'm trying to create that bubble, I've felt feelings of resentment come up lately but try to let them go as quick as possible and I've been able to be more understanding/patient with the kids. I'm getting better at this.
Great. Good to read that. Glad you're all feeling better. Tough time of year for everyone in this situation. Keep working on it! You're doing great! xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
I think you did well to suggest to do separate presents. If you are not both there when the kids open them what would be the point? You would just rob yourself of the opportunity to share those magic moments with them... And after everything you've been doing for the kids you more than deserve to have those moments with them. Whether it's on Christmas day or another day is not so important.
I don't find your dream weird either. Just be careful not to "rely" on such messages too much. I'm applying this advice to myself too. Job once told me "for now, live your life as if he's not coming back". Not always easy to do but... the best advice ever!
Not much new here. I've been out of town for work and need to catch up on everyone's threads. It was a long week.
W has been more distant. Our only contact has been to text to talk to kids and her getting mad at me because she couldn't find their snow pants. It was ridiculous. S barely talked to me this week. I think he's upset I was gone. I wonder how she is with them When I'm gone. I heard her in the background griping at them once and she sounded like her mom. Not good, I wish she could've heard herself.
Anyway, I just wanted to post to wish everyone happy holidays. I will be thinking of you all.
Happy Holidays to you and your family. I hope that you get to spend some quality time w/your little ones.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hope everyone had a good Christmas and is having a good start to their new year!
It's been a little while so I thought I'd journal.
Christmas was a little rough but I got through it. I was doing okay but Christmas Eve and the following morning were tough. I missed staying up with W and the kids in the morning. W was not easy to deal w/over the holidays. We had very little contact but she sent some PA texts from her about splitting the gifts because the things she ordered didn't show up in time (she later told me they came to her friend's neighbor and he sent them back instead of brining them over) and she had to do extra shopping. I didn't reply. She did thank me later for the gifts I took the kids to get for her but that was about it. She was pretty awful. She was supposed to bring them back to me the Monday after Christmas and knew I was planning on spending Tuesday with them. They didn't come back because of the weather which I'm certainly fine with but the next day she didn't leave until almost 5 so they got back super late driving on bad roads. There was no one was even at step in laws Tuesday so they spent all day there by themselves. I think she did it on purpose. I took another day off and the kids chose to spend the next couple days with me at my office so that was nice even though I was sick again all last week.
In addition to being sick one of the dogs had pups which ended up being an all night event with a C-section in the morning so I've been entirely run down and just getting back to normal again. W stayed here that night and was nice all week. She stayed here over the weekend and I took the kids to my parents for a late Christmas. She texted with me a little bit over the weekend and was nice. I was nice back but kept things a little short. It made me really miss her over the weekend. Then Monday she was texting about getting the kids before I even got home. The way she asked rubbed me wrong and I was very short with my texts, then she got agitated. I think she was just excited to take them to her new apartment now that I think about it.
She called me at work Tuesday and talked for 10-15 minutes then didn't have any communication all week until today. She was texting a lot this morning. They started friendly then turned to our schedule, lunch money, apologized about the snow pants (she found them in her stuff after repeatedly insisting that I had them and used them a couple weeks ago but was referring to something we did 2-3 years ago), then she wanted to take the dog and pups to her apartment. I told her it wasn't a good idea (she's not supposed to have pets and it only got up to ~5 degrees today) then she got short.
I feel a lot more collected today, I've calmed down and feel like I can once again dig deeper for some patience and to keep trying to DB and detach. I've been spinning big time over the last couple weeks. Feeling some depression, resentment, anger, then an urge to pursue on NY, and back around again but at least I realize when it's happening now and can try to deal with it better.
Had a pretty good weekend. I have the kids on Saturdays since w works and we went skating most of the afternoon so we kept busy and today I packed up all the Christmas decor. This afternoon w texted because they left their gloves and was agitated to have to come get them. I think she wanted me to bring them over. Later she called because the kids wanted to come over when she went to get a table from a show house at her work. She texted a little later that she didn't have the tools and was having to make several trips. I made a joke and got a lol back. She was taking forever so I sent a text asking if she was okay and got a id****k lol back. I waited a while and then let her know I would make dinner for the kids. She texted again later about having trouble and she would be over soon so I told her there was a glass of wine waiting if she wanted it and got a heck yes back. When she got here she had a glass and also ate dinner which she hasn't done since this fall. We also talked awhile before they left. She was being nice for a change. She sent me a picture of it later so I validated with a short reply and got a nice thank you. I think she wanted it for her troubles. Idk if she wanted my help with it or not but since she didn't ask I didn't offer. A 180 for me but I felt bad she did it all alone.
something she said yesterday let me see she is still projecting her parents onto me. I've known she's been doing this since I got a grip on things but this was very blunt. She told me "I know you think I'm stupid." I certainly don't and I've never said anything like that to her. In fact she is very intelligent and I've told her that. She told me before her parents told her this (actually much worse) throughout her childhood and teens so now it's getting projected on me. I told her I certainly didn't think that and asked when I've ever said anything like that. She said yesterday when I texted about the puppies. I told her I didn't think that and never have. She kind of scoffed and dropped it. How should I handle direct projection like this? Tell her I don't feel that way and apologize that she feels that way? i know its part of the MLC and the fog but it couldn't be further from reality.
Sounds like you and the kids had a great day skating. The fresh air and exercise are good for all of you.
As for your wife and the table. You did the right thing by stepping back and allowing her to figure out how to put it together. If she thought she needed your assistance, I think she would have asked you. Being independent is something she needs to do for herself right now.
As for projecting on to you about her being stupid...I think you handled it quite well.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
