Cheated and need advice

[PsySara]

Pitiful,

I've been cautiously peeking into your thread as it triggers me but here's what would have worked for me to regain trust in my WH.

1. He immediately break off contact with OW and send her a letter explaining that he made an awful choice and he needs to focus on making himself a better father and husband.

2. He start reading books on how to fix himself and make his own appointments for IC to get to the root of his broken-ness

3. I requested he read a book called "How To Help Your spouse heal from your affair." He eventually did after much begging and screaming from me but did nothing the book suggested. His excuse is that he is not motivated because he is not "in love" with me.

4. For him to approach me and tell me how sorry he is for destroying my trust, health and mental well being by violating our marriage while I was carrying a high risk pregnancy that he begged for. For him to hold me when I was sobbing uncontrollably.

He did none of this and the damage it has wrought is breath taking. Instead he has painted himself as the victim, stating my lack of sex and affection "forced" him to seek a relationship outside our marriage. He still tells me he will not show remorse because he doesn't "feel it" for me. He has serious FOO issues that he can recognize but cannot see how he is furthering the dysfunction by being passive aggressive and conflict avoidant. I am most likely going to file for divorce next month and seek sole custody of our children as I fear for their mental well being with such a selfish father. He will likely repeat his behaviors again and again in his future relationships and die alone. This could be your future unless you are willing to actually change your poor coping mechanisms and find out why you need constant outside validation. My words are not meant to hurt but to prevent a life time of repeating the same self destructive behaviors.