Help - boundaries. Am I doing th ewrong thing?

[Surfer]

Ah just seen. You are in the uk in the country.

I though I would expand on long term planning so you can understand where I cam coming from.

Long term planning is good for YOU (goals etc but take it steady is my view), but I think the long term planning you describe for her might not be so ideal. It can come across as chasing this sort of stuff. Personally, I think a shared goal is amazingly good but if you offer and she rejects it's not so ideal at all.

Also, mind reading I know, but 'run from the land' AKA "farming". Who's ambition is this? Who likes Countryfile more? You or W? If this is really something that you would like and she might not it could come across as controlling and deep down it might be. Also, her mind is not exactly crystal clear at the moment. Would you really want to set up a business for someone in this state. You have probably already established that if you were meeting her from the start, and she was in this state (no kids involved etc) you would run a mile. So why would you start a new farming business with her? Be careful with thoughts like this your "subconscious bias" can be your enemy. A final point, you might see W running a farm business, it's all Little House on the Prairie. She might see her making a business she can own, make hers, set her up as such so she can be financially independent and have an affair with OM - not really a shared goal! She has very different views and desires to you right now. Or she might just enjoy destroying the Little House on the Prarie to get a control kick.

I hope that explains. It's great being there to validate and listen right now. But really you need to close down the potential for conflict to create new good times. New happy feelings so these can replace the bad feelings she has when she looks at the R. This will take time and patience. It's all about getting rid pd of old habits and cresting new ones really and we all know that habits are hard to break. She will need to do this too and that is the hard thing. She doesn't even know she has bad habits yet. Even if told she might not accept them let alone work on them or be successful.

This is a very slow moving thing. Best shift into a very low gear. Fast long term plans won't help. Shared goals will, but let them come from her. I guess if she was to suggest a farm etc. You should be very "OK what would that look like?" Let her build the dream aspens describe if it sounds like your dream too then work towards it. But she would still need to have done all the work and be "fully baked" as such.

I hope this helps.

Surfer.