That's me in the spotlight

[Altair]

Hi all and want to wish everyone a happy holidays, Christmas, you name it.
My journaling is kind of sad I don't want to sound hopeless; I'm really upset about today, but I will get through it.
So, journaling.
I had a health scare. I talked to IC and she said I should reach out to H, just to let him know, keep it simple, etc. So I did. He said he'd be there for any tests/procedures that I needed and that "I love you very much". That was a few days ago. I cried a lot after that short phone convo (it's been months since we spoke.)
So today I contacted him again, texted him, he called me right back. I read him the results, and gave him my take, and asked him his. It spiraled into him saying you haven't done enough, why didn't you press for more, I validated and said I did, they are hardly there, don't return calls, people left for holidays, and so on. I tried to steer conversation back to me clarifying nothing will happen until Jan or Feb. He got angry, was like, see, this is exactly you. This is what you do, you always do this. You just don't follow through. You've always done this with medical stuff and now you are doing it again. (and so on)
I tried to reign it in and say yes, (validate) and I've called I've gone there, I've called, gone back I've done everything to try to get the information. He goes in again about how I haven't gone there (I have, I protest lightly) and here we go again, here's how I do things wrong.
I say well, yes, more validation, more just letting him know things are okay for now, just wanted to let him know, that was the reason for talking.
He calms down, then proceeds to tell me how the same medical system has screwed him over, complains about his issues for twenty minutes, I listen, validate, am kind. Basically we had the same exact situation happen to both of us but as you can see, "there I go again" and I just listen to him and empathize.
This phone exchange has been painful beyond belief. Because I have never criticized how he has handled his medical issues. He can be on top of it, and lax, I get that and have been always kind and loving about it. Secondly, I've never seen him so critical of me until bomb drop. He was just so mean about it, in his terms "there you go again, the way you always are, doing X and not Y"filled with anger and frustration. He never used to speak to me this way. So, this is exactly where we were last summer and fall with the fault-finding. It hasn't softened or changed, I don't think. he seems as mad at me as he was six months ago.
All I can say is, I was validating and kind and listened. But JC really? Attacking me for this, so draining, so depressing. No one can really navigate a crazy health care system properly-- BUT I gather many of you will say that isn't the problem.
I contacted him because I have no family-- should I need procedures and stuff well, for now he is next of kin, etc. I guess he is still massively depressed, incredibly angry at me for G_d knows what, ugh. I am drained. I'm drained and sad and do not know this angry person. I think of Job: leave him be, she says. I feel so sad, in that this person who was always the sweetest to me is now irritated by my very existence. There's no NEED to be so angry at me. For any reason I think! He could D me tomorrow and there's no disagreement in our D or finances or anything. He doesn't even need to justify anything! Is the hate to make me file? Why so mad at someone you haven't talked to in months? When he was never angry before like this? I wonder if it is the depression or his IC bringing out all the dirt. I don't know, it looks grim, but I have been a kind listener, that is all I can do.