Help - boundaries. Am I doing th ewrong thing?

[Woke_Up]

I think you're right, I do think there is a lot of her reaching out just to make sure I am still there.

Tonight has been reasonably civil, although she was a bit touchy at times.

I erred, and snooped on her phone. Sipping acid indeed. Will be stronger next time. Yes, she is still communicating from the house (no surprise), yes she is occasionally slagging me off when she is in a bad mood - told him all bout the move to the MBR last weekend / calling me a rapist) - I shouldn't be surprised, then also defended me a bit when he then got all drunk and angry (a bit surprised).

Disappointed in my slip, had been doing a bit better on that front. However, didn't let it affect my manner in front of her. Stayed cool, calm and pleasant.

She tried to pull a control move - put the spare double bed from D's room into the spare room while I was out getting D, then started moaning that she didn't think she would be able to sleep tonight after I said was she OK with me coming into MBR tonight. It was meant to be tomorrow.

I then said not to worry, I would move bed back or use sofa bed in study. I moved bed back in the end, may as well be comfortable. I also said that if it was a problem long term I would have the study - she doesn't want this as she wants it as a study/library and has just been sorting it with new book cases, which we assembled yesterday. I can see this being a ruck before christmas, but I am adamant I want somewhere I can feel comfortable, particularly at Christmas.

I shouldn't second guess or mind read, but I suspect the thought of me being in there causes cognitive dissonance with her fantasy/web of lies she has spun with EAP.

I need to detach more, I'm still too easily available to her - I just struggle with GAL in current sitch. Long days, time with kids more important than anything else. I think I'll start by taking D out at weekends, on my own. Get some quality time in.

What are your thoughts on long term planning? I have been putting things off for long term that might cost money (seeing if we can get some more land from the farmer who has the field next to the house, looking at some sort of business that will keep W occupied during the day, that can be run from the land). We are in the country and have a couple of acres and always planned to do something with it. Do you think Long Term Planning is a good idea, let her see that there is still a future together, or something that should be dropped for now, so she sees what she will miss?

Anyway, you are right, I have not been myself for far too long. I shall find some time for me, stop wriggling like a worm on her fishing line. There's plenty for me to do. (including finding a new job as my contract is up at the end of Jan, which also gives me the excuse to be left alone. She understands this as she doesn't want me to be out of contract, and then suddenly finding times get hard.

All the best mate