Hanging and hoping- seperation edition

[Dawgs]

I wanted so badly to call W and tell them goodnight but I decided that once she left I would let her have all the space in the world.

Why didn't you? That is not giving her space, that IS talking with your children. Use this time wisely. I made sure to have in our decree that calling/Skype/etc would be allowed and not blocked, under no circumstances. These are your children, too. Wanting to talk with them has nothing to do with her and her space. Be careful about that.

[BillyHo]

I know what you mean jeep. I just figured the first night I would let it go. They all have iPads so I can FaceTime them anytime without disturbing W. W called this morning to ask about something random. I was short but friendly. This is kind of par for the course for the last 3-4 weeks. I don't know if it will continue once she leaves or not.

[BillyHo]

Last night I took the boys to watch a high school basketball game. It was a lot of fun. They had fun hanging out with their friends and watching the game. It was just what I needed after not having them the night before. We went home and I tucked them into bed and read them a story.

W went out to finish shopping after work and got home later in the evening. We sat down and talked a little before bed. There was some talk about what it will be like during the seperation. I asked her if this was just the next step toward D. She said she doesn't know but if she had to decide one way or the other she isn't sure what she would choose. I made sure not to talk anymore about it because that convo goes nowhere. 3 more days and I will have to start adjusting to my new life whether that be temporary or permanent. I'm trying not to think about what it's going to be like because I really don't know. For now I am going to do my best to make this holiday a great one for my boys.

[Gordie]

My W keeps saying "we'll see each other all the time". Little does she know that's not how it's going to be unless she is the one going out of her way to see me. I am planning on going dim( dark isn't really possible with the kids) as much as possible. If I allow her to keep eating cake she will never be hungry for me again. It is also two fold, I am able to use the space and time to work on me and at the same time she can experience day to day life without a partner to help her get through the tough times. My W seems to be so focused on moving that I don't think she even comprehends how tough it's going to be.

What does going dim with kids mean to you? I'm trying to figure that out for myself.

[BillyHo]

I think it is going to be like doing LRT. I will pretty much do like I have been and not contact her unless it's absolutely necessary. We have a lot of sporting events with the kids so we will see each other often. I will give her space and time and if she works her way back to me great. The main thing is I hope she misses me at some point. Since we've been in the same house there really hasn't been any chance for her to miss anything because she hasn't given anything up.

[SBJ]

I am with you both...my W of 22+ years moved out 6.5 weeks ago and I am also still hoping that at some point she will miss what we had. It is hard to believe that they are able to cut and run with such ease...like there is no feeling, but as stated earlier in the thread...the fantasy is greater than the reality. It is all a symptom of their crisis.

I will keep you guys in my thoughts and prayers.

[BillyHo]

Wow SBJ, our timelines are very similar. I will have to go back and catch up on your sitch. How did things go at the beginning of your S? Did you go dark or are you and W still in frequent contact?

[SBJ]

It is odd, but she kind of went dark. Only contact revolves around money or kids. We both work together, but in separate locations so that comes into play on occasion. It is weird for sure. Will see her tonight at a Christmas party...pray for me.

[skm0619]

Will say a prayer for you....hope things go well for you at the Christmas party.

[Bman72]

Hi Gordie , mine pretty much suggested the exact same thing. Live as close to next door as possible, time as a family, holidays, share finances and even stay married but not live in the marriage .....I was gobsmacked when I heard her tell me this. Then I started to think am I being unreasonable to not go along with it ......I don't want that....I want my family back and will do a lot to keep the children feeling loved but I won't be feeding cake on a daily basis.