maybe you never truly leave here

[forward]

Just a few days before the holidays and I do find myself thinking over these last years.

I am in the situation of being financially comfortable, in a new marriage, and with many good people around me. X has no one here except D. He isn't speaking to his father and his mother and grandmother passed away. He has few resources and little support and things are not great for him. If it weren't for D, he would be utterly alone.

The person who left was utterly ungrateful for any of the many positive things in his life. I wonder, now, if he misses those things. I feel kind of sorry for him. At the same time, I realize that he made choices.

I seem to remember, from long ago, that one thing that was a sign of the person coming out of MLC was that they would catch your eye. I avoid catching his eye. I am remarried and busy and not looking to change my M. I notice, though, that he does seem to want to catch my eye, and he opens up conversations with me. It took major earth-shattering things for him to maybe see things differently? I don't expect an apology, but the anger is gone from him.

OW is long, long gone and life is very hard for X.

I don't think I will know if he regrets what happened, but it doesn't really matter any more.

What an ending to X's tale. If you had told me this is where things would be, I would have been stunned.

I will add: I think it is very normal to wish for revenge. I know I did. And I suppose I could say that karma bit him hard. However, the concept of karma is more complicated than that and it is said to work in mysterious ways.

Those of you who are feeling vengeful: I get that. X said some horrible things to me. My heart broke many times. I was furious. And I had a baby and I was alone and scared. But know that years later, when you see the wreck of your former spouse, the feeling, at least for me, is one of pity, knowing how emotionally impoverished they are. I landed very well, with many good things in my life. I did not really expect that, I'd have to say. But here I am, and there he is, and there is no going back.

I was also forced to recognize the many unhealthy ways we interacted. I would now assume he would be interested only to have someone with him in his hours of difficulty.

What a tale. I'm not sure I know what to think or say. What a tale.