Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 7

[PsySara]

Oh my friends, you are so kind and wise.

SH,
I am thinking to visit about 3 lawyers and seek counsel on how to proceed. This would not be a hasty process, most likely would last a few months, I would also need to build funds for a retainer. I figure if it would be less harmful for the kids to come from a broken home than to live in one, then I will proceed. I would listen carefully and would listen to the experts advice.

Vanilla,
My anger chokes me, robs me of my joy and peace. It wakes me during the night and I have these cyclical thoughts which kindle the anger worse and worse. The anger inevitably leads to deep, aching sadness which then causes this dark cloud to settle down into my throat, stomach, my heart. I don't want anger, I don't want depression...I yearn for peace. I just don't know if that peace will ever come. It's like I havee this wound which festers and I am at a loss on how to get it to heal. I go to IC, I read, I thought stop, I deep breathe and yet...this pain persists. This man, who I thought was my soulmate, is practically sociopathic in his coldness. In March he promised me he would never cheat again and I agreed to give us a second chance, mere days later he told the OW to not consider my pain and they started sleeping together again. My God, it's breath taking in it's awfulness.

Sotto,
It's like I've regressed, huh? It's bizarre, my pain is as intense as it was shortly after dday #1. My sleep has vanished, my nightmares have intensified. I made an appointment with my IC to start EMDR but she had to cancel due to a scheduling conflict. So I hold tight with grim determination to my ability to function. But I've lost my appetite and my heart has started to act up again, heart rate shooting into the 130s-140s. I've made an appointment with the cardiologist on the 3rd and most likely will have to undergo ablation. This man literally broke my heart. Why am I struggling so hard all of a sudden? I am perplexed.

Jim,
I am seriously considering telling WH to find an apartment when I move into the new house. I feel his presence is more toxic at this point than helpful.

Painter,
I saw two lawyers when I was completing my residency, the laws are different in that state than the one I live in presently. I've done some basic research about the requirements to file here, a six month waiting period is required. I've now officially lived her 6 month, WH has only lived here for 3 months. I've been seeing an IC here and there since July. She is highly qualified but our schedules often conflict as we are both mental healthcare professionals. I have screwed up with the self care. My heart is messing up again and I am losing weight, I may soon start an antidepressant that also stops nightmares and increases appetite.

ForGump,
The good news is I won't be able to act on my impulse for at least a month or two. I will need to finish the closing on the house, get the kids sorted with regards to education, and consult a few lawyers. I am in such a physically weakened state presently that I have no choice but to just BE. I have exhausted my mental stores trying to save a M and have neglected my GAL. So I need to step back and step down. I need to rest.

Surfer,
Message received, I definitely need to do better self care. My body is beginning to break down and that means my children are getting a sub par mother. I've made a few doctor's appointments to diagnose and treat my heart, my (newly) diagnosed precancerous cells, and my mental health. I also need to start getting out a bit more and distnace myself from this turmoil.

Skyhigh,
You honor me by registering just to reply to me. I was so touched by your words and your advice. I need to listen to all you wise posters and DETACH. I feel like I keep acting detached but have not accomplished the real thing yet. If I had I wouldn't be spinning this hard all of a sudden. I will re-read your experience and advice, I will try to absorb it and apply it appropriately.