Sorry for the hijack OFP, but I wanted to address JujuB’s post.
Hey JujuB, I know I’ve read your posts, but will go back and re-read as it has been awhile. Once I’m off moderation, we can post on your thread in Surviving D. I’ll give you a high level on what you wrote for now.
Originally Posted By: JujuB
I feel very wronged and traumatized by the way in which ex left me.
Like I said, I need to revisit your thread to know the details, but I felt the same way. And anger is part of that process of dealing with it. The concern is when anger becomes consuming. It may sound ridiculous, but Buddhist ideas helped me greatly. I came to accept that all I needed to know was the my XW did not want to be M to me anymore. Plain and simple.
Now, I know I contributed to the D. There was much I could have done differently. I own my 50% and am working on those things.
I was angry she couldn’t see her 50% or try to work on them. But then I realized that I couldn’t control her, and my anger was preventing me from living the life that was now in front of me. There were other places to use that energy in a positive way instead of in a negative way. It sounds very simple, and it takes time, but we all have the choice and power to control ourselves.
I’ll use your example:
Originally Posted By: JujuB
Someone insisting that something white is actually black
At first, we think “How can they think that is black?”. Then we are angry and think “Why do they think it is black”. If we DB right, we know that it isn’t our job nor do we control them to make them think it is white. I think the final step is to know that it is white and it really doesn’t matter who thinks it is black.
