Ongoing...

[sandi2]

Your ego had a boost and with it came the realization that there is life apart from your W. However, the down feelings quickly returned. I believe this very normal or typical of emotions b/c they can be undependable. We can't rely on emotions b/c they can be fickle and cause us to question ourselves. Emotion is the "responder" part of our being. That is the job of emotion.......to respond. As human beings, we often give emotion the job of leading and deciding for us. The end result could go either way, b/c emotion was not designed to have that job description. We are emotional beings, and I would hate to live without emotions.

A friend recently told me that during a conversation the W had mentioned that she felt bad for some of the conversations that she'd had with me but her responses (which were damn right cruel) were provided so that she didn't give me the wrong impression or false hope.

I will endorse her intentions as being a very common action among WW's. That is why I tell H's to step back and not pursue, b/c it's only going to make her more vicious. At least part of her cruel words is meant to convince the spouse that the M is over, and that's pursuit is useless and hopeless. A WW usually has an agenda, and she doesn't want her spouse, or anyone else, getting in her way. And btw, that is why she often has to acquire new friends who encourage her to follow her agenda. They will have man bashing sessions to fuel the motivation.

As for spending Christmas with her for the sake of S3, ask yourself if it will be easier for him next year.......or the next. After she's remarried, or you have a new lady, will you be expected to share the holidays for the sake of your son? I think it is unrealistic for her to come home and play family, only to leave and play fantasy again. I'm not suggesting she shouldn't see her child. If she has her own place, then a schedule should be set where S3 spends time at each place. Horrible, I know.........but, realistic for her to see this is what life for her will be after D.

Is she just coming by to see him open gifts, or will she be staying for a meal and spending most of the day there? Did you invite her, or did she invite herself? There is a chance that seeing her home decked out for Christmas and the family atmosphere will tug at her heart's strings. Will it be enough to get her eyes open and turn her around? Who knows.

If it were me, I would have the music playing, and all the Christmas smells in the house, and I would be at the peak of showing my polished and fun personality. I would make it the best day of the year. Hopefully, she will leave with all those memories in her head, and knowing it was the last time......and that she gave it away. (Of course, you don't say any of this to her). There is absolutely no guarantee it will affect her at all. I am just saying that if you carry through with the plans, make it great and don't go around with your heart on your sleeve. Go into the bathroom and bury your head into the towels and cry, if you have to, but don't let her see. Don't do anything that indicates you think her being there means anything other than her seeing S3. In fact, the following days, she may feel the need to say more cruel things to you, just to make sure you didn't get your hopes up while she was there for Christmas.

If you decide to leave the plains in place this time, I strongly urge you to start the new year with some type of schedule about holidays, special events, and family traditions.