Hanging and hoping- seperation edition

[BillyHo]

My W isn't disrespectful toward me at all. She says she is just confused. Before she decided to seperated she was totally shut down and depressed. She said she felt too mich pressure and was filled with anxiety. At no point has she ruled out us R. She moves next week and I will give her time and space and let her dictate how much we see and interact with each other. She will be on her own financially. I will try to drop the rope and GAL and see if eventually she reaches out.

[Jug]

Sounds like a plan and see no fault with it. Hang in there!

[BillyHo]

Last night was the first night that W slept at her house and she had the boys with her. I got done work yesterday and most of her stuff was gone. I knew she was going to have to finish moving this week but seeing the bare spaces where her stuff used to be really hit home for me. I went to my IC and had a good session. We focused mainly on me and what I'm going to do to GAL. After that I went out and did some shopping.

When I got home I moved some furniture to the living room to replace some of the gaps she left behind. I did some decorating then settled in for the evening. As I was sitting there it was unbearably quiet.I am so used to my boys yelling, wrestling and just being boys. I hated that I couldn't tuck them in and kiss them good night. I wanted so badly to call W and tell them goodnight but I decided that once she left I would let her have all the space in the world. It's so much harder for her to be gone considering the fact that we've been getting along well for the last 3 weeks. I wish I could be angry with her because it would maybe make it easier to deal with but I just don't feel that.

I have the boys tonight and I can't wait to see them and hug all 3 of them. I think if I do get angry it will be over the fact that she is taking half father son time from me. No matter what happens I can never get that back. On the other hand she will have to feel that loss as well and she loves those boys just as much as I do. This holiday will be hard but I will get through it and continue to be the best man and dad I can be.

[BillyHo]

Today I have that all too familiar empty feeling inside. That pit in my stomach reminds me of how I felt every morning for the first 3 or 4 months after BD. This time it's not due to the fact that W has moved out but the realization that I won't be with my boys half of the time. I have said that I would be willing to forgive anything in order to repair my marriage but right now I don't know if I can ever forgive her for taking my time with my sons from me. I know at some point today I will break down and cry I just hope I can hold it together when I see the boys.

[100383]

(((Billy)))

[Gordie]

Today I have that all too familiar empty feeling inside. That pit in my stomach reminds me of how I felt every morning for the first 3 or 4 months after BD. This time it's not due to the fact that W has moved out but the realization that I won't be with my boys half of the time. I have said that I would be willing to forgive anything in order to repair my marriage but right now I don't know if I can ever forgive her for taking my time with my sons from me. I know at some point today I will break down and cry I just hope I can hold it together when I see the boys.

Being separated from my kids is a huge fear of mine. W and I are planning for S or D in January. W says she wants to be S or D from me, but doesn't want to separate me from the kids. Here is W's non conventional proposal: W and the kids stay at the MR and I come spend time with the kids every evening (eat dinner, do homework and put kids to bed) and every weekend (basically, keep everything the same, but I will sleep in a nearby apartment). Others around her, think this is crazy. Maybe it is. Advice?

[BillyHo]

I don't know Gordie, it sounds like she wants all the benefits of being married without being married. Sure you'll get to see your kids all the time but is this what you want them to grow up thinking is a normal relationship. If you ever have any hope of your wife and you R then she is going to have to feel some kind of loss. Also I can't imagine this kind of arrangement would be healthy for you. Just my 2 cents.

[Gordie]

I don't know Gordie, it sounds like she wants all the benefits of being married without being married. Sure you'll get to see your kids all the time but is this what you want them to grow up thinking is a normal relationship. If you ever have any hope of your wife and you R then she is going to have to feel some kind of loss. Also I can't imagine this kind of arrangement would be healthy for you. Just my 2 cents.

Thanks--good to know everyone thinks this is crazy.

[Jug]

This! ^^^^^ totally applies to my situation. It's what I'm telling myself constantly.

[BillyHo]

My W keeps saying "we'll see each other all the time". Little does she know that's not how it's going to be unless she is the one going out of her way to see me. I am planning on going dim( dark isn't really possible with the kids) as much as possible. If I allow her to keep eating cake she will never be hungry for me again. It is also two fold, I am able to use the space and time to work on me and at the same time she can experience day to day life without a partner to help her get through the tough times. My W seems to be so focused on moving that I don't think she even comprehends how tough it's going to be.