Help - boundaries. Am I doing th ewrong thing?

[Surfer]

Woke_Up

However, a couple of occasions I accidentally woke her up and caused arguments, the latest time I exploded back, due to my emotions about EA (I'd been sitting awake a couple of hours). Then she was moving out (she had ordered another new double bed for herself to have in D's or spare room after first argument). But then I was guilted into moving out.

Been out since, apart from 2 nights when people stayed over and required spare bed.

Forget about the territory thing for now IMHO. It does not matter where you sleep. Ultimately yes, you need to set some boundaries and one will be you are moving back in. But for now, I suggest you steady you and the ship (the R) as much as possible.

Is she "fine" when people stay over. Even to you in front of them? Or is she fine with them and cold with you when alone or cold in front of them. TBH whichever answer, the result is the same. She is probably gaslighting you whilst spewing, history re-writing, spreading propaganda etc. I believe your wife, like mine, is (most likely) Verbally Abusing you. See Verbally Abusive Relationship book - suggest you look back at how much of it you underline (and do underline it, I know we are taught not to deface books etc; forget that just for now - you can even draw a picture of a c0ck and b@lls on the front page if it makes you laugh like an 11 year old). The sad part about this is verbal abuse like this is FOO stuff. She has grown up with it I imagine and that creates a very deep rooted habit - that is probably at her core (perhaps her Mum's too). She will find it almost impossible to change and it will worsen if she does not. You are going to have to become her pscho's observer for a while I am afraid. I know it's hard but you can and will do it for you and your D.

Final point. Your real goal has zero to do with her. It has to do with you. What would the old you be like if this 'alien' approached you for a relationship and you saw her for what she is (pre-kids?). you would walk. You are not walking, and that is very commendable. But you also should not crave her. Forget that. You must try to become the old you for you, D4 and SS16. No more eggshell walking or any of that.

Final final point. Has SS16 seen this before in a the previous R (with his Dad etc)?

There ends my comments. Couldn't sleep so I am going to get going with some work to make time for Xmas!!!!

Surfer.