Help - boundaries. Am I doing th ewrong thing?

[Surfer]

focus on attentive listening & validation.

Perfect. Don't over validate though. You are not some pu$$y. You must be a man about this. Be kind and caring, as you are clearly, but FFS do not let her have you b@lls as earrings. A Windsor Davies attitude inside will help YOU (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4uivPpzCGo). You will get to the point of treating her like a nosey neighbour. This is good for the time being. She has something to get out of her system (the Fog) - be prepared that she may not fully; but she definitely can improve. She is showing you this in short term changes. Much of this becomes habit driven I believe. You can help to break the habit for her.

Surfer.