Moving on to the next phase

[Pax_luv]

Thank you Ciluzen for that thoughtful post. I've read and re-read it several times.

I feel like i have nothing new to add except that I've personally gotten stuck in a place Ive been at before through this emotional journey. I'm not really sure how to step up my game and help me through it. I've gone back in my own tunnel a bit.

I think me not giving him what he wants (a d settlement on his terms) has given him actual fuel as to why he's divorcing me. 2 months ago, The reasons for divorcing me were irrelevant to our current sitch and now I'm greedy and selfish... Always have been... Never contributed, etc. Now he has all this ammunition and hatred towards me and there's nothing I can do about it. Nothing. There's nothing I can do try to get him to see things differentLy. I won't back down from coming up with something that is fair.

So... Here we are. It's getting closer to the end and again I know I haven't given it my all (Except for all my efforts in my solo life.) I've made so many positive changes to my life and my relationships. I see it every day. I've changed my outlook towards life and I've influenced others around me to live their life a bit differently as well. That to me is just awesome and makes me want to continue forward with the life I am starting to live. I even use DR techniques with my employees! Unfortunately, there's that one tiny thing holding me back. Stbx.

Let's be real. I wasn't happy towards the later part of the marriage either... Marriage is so tough, but I didn't question my love for him. h had real issues that stemmed from his childhood. Things that effected him every day... And I noticed this outside of his MLC. These things soon affected me and I withdrew and became this compliant little wife just so I wouldn't rock his boat at all. He was this fragile thing in my mind and I had to walk on egg shells to keep the peace. (Sound familiar?) He hated hugs, didn't believe in sentiment... Whenever I told him he was my best friend, he would reply "I don't have a best friend." It was soooo hard. I accepted it because that was kind of his "thing" (for lack of a better term) and I loved him no matter what.

Everything is so superficial with him so i know about the masks well. Why can't I let go!!!!!!!???????

Ok- lots of rambling there. I'll get through this. Deep breaths. Thank you all for your continued support.