I can see how you must have felt emotionally starved to hear him respond positivity and give you a compliment once in a while. I don't know what his issues are, but it is difficult for me to understand a man who doesn't want to compliment his own W.
Can you tell us about the MR in previous times? What were you like, what he was like, etc.
Would you say you had unmet expectations in the MR? What about the build up of resentment over a period of time? You must surely feel a lot of frustration, but I am not hearing bitterness and anger that a lot of women often experience before turning to another man.........maybe b/c we are mostly hearing remorse, ATM. Did you suffer from depression?
What about your feelings of respect toward your H? Have they declined over the years, and have you been guilty of showing little signs of disrespect for him (tone of voice, body language, etc.)? I am trying to see if these issues previously existed. You may not see what difference it would make, however, it would really help us to see that part about you.
At the risk of this turning into "his fault," I will say we've been going through some things. I already emasculated him by telling OM about these issues, so I'll try to keep it simple. H has low-T and zero libido. I've been rejected more times than I can count, even with simple kissing. He says that kissing (making out or longer than a peck) means that girls will want more, so he just shuts me down from the start. H has really been making an effort to address the problem...not really help to "satisfy" me, but going to doctors and what not. One thing that got brought up in the texts with OM that night was some of this stuff as well as one specific thing that happened the night before. I've already said H's issues, well the day we got in from travelling, which was the day before this incident, H was in the mood for like the first time in a long time, but instead of having sex, he just asked for a "favor." I made the comment, well what do I get? and he said "later". Obviously, later came and went, he fell asleep that night before me...and the next night...the night I talked to OM on the phone. I hate even saying all of this, because yea, it hurts and right now even I want to cry, but I can't make this argument with him. He'll see it as blaming and it didn't matter how "bad" our situation was, it didn't give me a right to talk to OM.
Other than this, H and I have a pretty good relationship. We're really good friends. We rely on each other a lot. We were together almost 8 years before we got married. We travel a lot together. We have friends but don't really go out and socialize that much. Other than work and gym, we spend most of our time together with little to no fighting. We had been talking about starting a family this coming year (that's out of the question now), but I wanted kids and he was "whatever" on the issue. I had been getting mad at him more lately about that since he'd agree with me that we'd start a family, but then say things like "we'll never have to worry about THAT because we're never having kids." I knew he was joking, but deep down it still bothered me and I'd get upset. Between that and the sex issue, we are good. We have the same goals and dreams and work together to build that future. We love talking about our future. I don't know if that answers your questions or not.
