Help - boundaries. Am I doing th ewrong thing?

[Woke_Up]

Thank you surfer

Please let us know how you are Woke Up.

V

I'm doing OK, thanks V. Really appreciating all of the help, advice, and pointers to helpful resources. I have blips and react. We seem to be out of the overt aggression / weaponised words at the moment, now that I am not pressuring the MBR issue.

Quick reflection: Putting myself in her shoes, it has been her room for many months, as I moved to look after D who kept getting up in the night, a couple of months into the new house. This was as much for my selfish reasons, as I found it less disturbing to settle her when in the same room. Since then we have pretty much slept in different rooms. My clothes were always in the spare room, she had the MBR for her clothes. The en-suite bathroom was the 'girls' the main bathroom was the 'boys'. OK, from my view, she has pretty much selfishly taken over the house as her own, and dictated what each room is for, however, I see that she feels I am invading her space by going back in to the MBR.

From my perspective, it should never have got to this point. The house shouldn't have been seen as hers to do with what she wanted to, I shouldn't have stayed in D's room so long and then transferred to spare room, next to D's room. (Actually WW transferred me by tidying up the D's room, so I moved from mattress on floor to crappy single bed in spare room, so still close to D when she woke).

I was in this when I found out about EA. It was awful. I went through the whole little/no sleep cycle at this time, which when you get up at 5am for work each day, doesn't help.

When D wanted to move back into W's room (she was in the feeling scared/monsters phase), I attempted to move straight back in there (my reason for not being in there was gone). She resisted, this caused arguments. I then said OK, and gave her a day on which I would move back in. On that day I moved D's cot bed in there and moved back in, and was accused of forcing my way in there, but managed to go in and stay there. She ordered a new bed. This ended up in S's room, after a few arguments, including me threatening to take it outside and chop it up. My bad.

However, a couple of occasions I accidentally woke her up and caused arguments, the latest time I exploded back, due to my emotions about EA (I'd been sitting awake a couple of hours). Then she was moving out (she had ordered another new double bed for herself to have in D's or spare room after first argument). But then I was guilted into moving out.

Been out since, apart from 2 nights when people stayed over and required spare bed.

I want to claim my own space in then house though, which is why I think I shall have the study downstairs.

I'm just trying to figure out where I fit in this cycle of emotions, as I am sure I am reinforcing behaviours. Starting on a long journey of self discovery and healing - hoping that WW will come along too, even if unintentionally.

Anyway, that turned into a ramble, just free flowing my thoughts at the minute while sitting on the train home.

Thanks again