Hi everyone, am a total newbie but have been reading posts on here for a few weeks now and am reaching out because am at the end of my rope here. Married 13 years, when he was 23 and I 25. One DS, 3 years old. Based in the UK.
Husband moved out in July after a couple of months when I found out about affair 3 (first two were EAs). At the time I didn't know about DB-ing and did everything wrong - was hideously angry and did lots of shouting and screaming which H can't deal with - I just didn't realise how deeply conflict avoidant he was. AP no. 3 backs off because she didn't realise he was married. End August H says he wants out of marriage, but is highly emotional, so I tell him I can't accept this decision until he's calm and rational. I start learning about DB-ing and fully accept my part in the breakdown - apologise to him loads. He tells me he is staying with his friend.
Beginning September I find evidence of EA/PA - no. 4. H explains he only went to her because he needed the comfort. He tells me he tells her its over while he sorts us out. Because I feel he is fragile, I don't press him for evidence, but carry on surveillance when I can. In the meantime am being loving and patient, giving him space when he says he needs it to 'think'. Mid November I find out he's never stopped affair. 'Thinking' time was actually AP time. He then confesses love for AP. Says they want to be together, but would 'sacrifice' to keep family together. He goes to dump her, but after four hours at hers, comes back and dumps me. In shock, I let him go. The next day he calls me and tells me he thinks he's made a mistake. And does so for one solid week. A week after he first leaves, he makes an appt with a marriage counsellor and asks her all sorts of questions about how to end an affair, how to rebuild etc. Plans to break up with AP the next day. After putting me through total agony, at the end of the day he calls me from AP's place and tells me "I'm done with you." I ask him why he put me through the last week of telling me he thought he had made a mistake. He said it was only for our son, and if I would stay in London (am thinking of moving back to my country of origin Singapore) with our son after the divorce he "would never have bothered" with me.
That was 24 Nov 2016. Went into 180 unknowingly after that, but maintained open channels of comm around access to son. He's completely relaxed and chatty around me - you wouldn't know he had left me for another woman.
Figured out a week ago he lied about when affair started and decided to go NC for my own protection - I can't take the acting like everything is fine and chatting about what Christmas gifts to get our son. Using his mother as intermediary. Which both of us have stuck to religiously.
I have Michele's Divorce Remedy and am following the Last Resort Technique. Does it work? I can't find many stories that it does. Any advice? I am not coping. I have great friends and family support but EVERYONE is getting really fed up with me trying to save this. I even went to see a priest and he told me to give up and move on : (
