Let me ask this, do you forgive yourself? What are the circumstances that caused this to happen? What role did your husband play? What role did you play?
I don't know if I forgive myself yet. I know that I am trying to work on me and the deep rooted cause of how I got here. I'm still trying to wrap my head around "why" I even allowed myself to go there and how I could even risk my M over something so dumb.
Circumstances and roles...I feel like I'm not really even "allowed" to go there, that anything I say will sound like an excuse. H and I talked about that last night too. He asked what he could have done differently or what this guy said that he didn't. I wasn't trying to place any blame on him, but I told him that this guy pumped out a lot of flattery...how gorgeous I was, that I was superwoman for all of my accomplishments in life. Yea, this guy was feeding the flattery because he was on the hunt, but it still felt nice. When I ask my husband how I look when I dress up, his response is "he doesn't care." A couple of Sundays ago he wanted to go out to eat, nothing fancy, just grab lunch, but I decided I wanted to look nice and put on makeup. He got mad at me saying its stupid to get ready when we're just going to eat pizza. I told him this last night, that I try to look good for him and he just gets mad. However, he knows when I look good too, but he won't SAY it. I have gotten really good at reading his facial expressions. He gets a little more handsy and pays more attention when I am dressed up or hair curled. Even that Sunday after he got mad at me for getting ready, I could tell he was happy with how I looked. Again, its all going to sound like excuses. I get we relationships are 50/50, but at this point, I feel like bringing any of his "faults" into this is just going to come off as me blaming him. I have to tread really carefully with that. I was supposed to go to therapy last night but counselor had to cancel last minute. H told me last night, he doesn't like the idea of me going to someone because its just going to turn into me complaining about him...that that's what therapists do. Somehow this is going to be "his" fault.
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On to another topic. Do you know your love language? Do you know your husbands love language? Do you use this knowledge?
I've heard of the book enough to know what it is and have always wanted to read it. Never taken any quiz or anything. My understanding is people display love typically in the way they receive it. If that's true, for H its physical gifts. He loves to surprise me with extravagent or very thoughtful gifts...car for my bday...things like that. He puts a lot of thought into my gifts and really pays attention to clues I give. For me, that's not typically how I feel loved. Mine's probably a mix of languages, words, touch....I appreciate the things he does for me, I just don't feel 100% loved that way. Anyone with money can give me those things. For me, I try to show him in little ways that I care. When I get out of the shower, I change the radio back to his channel so he doesn't have to mess with it when he gets in, I put his loofah in front of mine so he doesnt have to move mine out of the way to get his. I pay attention to when he's getting low on supplies and get them without him having to ask me. H would flip if I made a decision like get him a car, so I can't really buy "big" things like he does for me.
