The only people who are going to be hurt if you don't attend are the MIL and FIL and you. Your wife won't give a fig about your absence...but you have to decide what you want to do. Maybe you can visit w/the MIL and FIL on a different day?? If that is better for you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
You are right...she doesn't care anymore period. Or she is so totally confused that it appears that she doesn't care about me/us anymore. I love her and my extended family. Maybe I should just go and show her that I can be strong thru all of this.
I guess it is crazy how the MLC'er is much better at DB'ing than we are. The NC thing kills me. My best friend has cut me out of her life by her choice. She says that it is all her doing and her choice. She even says that one day I will agree that this is the best thing for us. Sounds like total MLC talk to me, but it hurts that this special person wants to close the door on our life together, or as she puts it "restructure our family".
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
Just venting: I usually have a great time during the holidays, but I am having a bad time right now...emotionally/financially, but I am holding strong spiritually. I know that there is an answer, but like most, I want it now.
I have lost my wife, best friend, favorite companion, life partner, and the mother of my children all at once. She has so many roles in my life it is hard to fill that void. I miss her more every day and I just don't know why she doesn't see that what we had was truly special.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
Yeah this time of year is tough ... I caught myself spinning a couple days ago. The financial issue to me is one of those things many do not talk about/address as most of us now are maintaining 2 separate house holds ... I once did a quick calculation of how much MLC has cost my family monetarily and it made me want to up-chuck. Emotionally ... its brutal. I consider myself pretty detached but the Holidays pull at those last little strings that are left .. the ones that seem impossible to snap after 25+ years. I thought about it the other day, how can one just throw all that away so easily then I am reminded of all I learned and I realize its the crisis they are in, those times were real and meant something .... just know that. I know its really tough this time of year. Like you I look towards God for an answer, and explanation ... I too have not received an answer but I have faith that when its all said and done I will realize why I had to go through all this, I know its His will and its for a specific reason. The scriptures that have been thrown my way the past week (more than one occasion) has been "Walk by faith, not by sight" .... He is working in ways we can not see nor understand .. continue your journey and allow Him to do His work.
CaliGuy...That is the same one that has hit me this week...all I have right now is faith...I know that he has a plan for us and I am certain that this trial is going to work out. I have also had to ask for will power, patience and strength during all of this.
My mindset has changed from "I need her" to "I want her" in my life. Maybe that is a start to detachment. It is just the fact that she can so easily cut me out of heroine that is so bizarre. I agree that it is due to the crisis, but that doesn't make it easier to accept.
Have a Merry Christmas!
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
CaliGuy and SBJ, We must be reading the same book...my daily reading said living by faith, rather than sight, enable you to see My Glory, the plan for your life is unfolding ...when the time is right the way before you clears....
I also have to remind myself this is his plan and not to worry about the outcome....its not easy as you all know!! :-)
Wishing you guys happy holidays!
W:42 M:48 T:9 yrs M:1yr BD: Feb 2016 EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016 D: Feb 2017
CaliGuy...That is the same one that has hit me this week...all I have right now is faith...I know that he has a plan for us and I am certain that this trial is going to work out. I have also had to ask for will power, patience and strength during all of this.
My mindset has changed from "I need her" to "I want her" in my life. Maybe that is a start to detachment. It is just the fact that she can so easily cut me out of heroine that is so bizarre. I agree that it is due to the crisis, but that doesn't make it easier to accept.
Have a Merry Christmas!
Its rough ... hence why its called a Bomb-Drop because out of no where we the LBS feel like it came out of nowhere.
You are doing well ... its a very difficult time of year for all involved (even if the MLCr does not show it). And yeah ... call it crisis, MLC, alein abduction it does not make it any easier especially this time of year. Just know you will survive this, know there is better on the other side of all this ... new year is coming and a new you awaits.
Thank you both for your support thru all of this..."WE" will all get thru this with our faith intact.
I have also read up some on the Prodigal Spouse and have found some of the prayers helpful. There were some associated to Hosea that I found interesting. It was Hosea 2:1-8.
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On the odd side...just had a kind moment from the FIL. He usually gives my wife and I a check for Christmas. Obviously because of the sitch things are different. He just brought me a gift to my office...extremely kind gesture.
Once he left I hit my knees and gave thanks and pray for my W. No kidding...5 minutes later she starts texting about Christmas. I have had NC all week about anything. She was asking if I had gotten stocking stuffer things for our animals yet. Also said..."It's OK if we don't do stockings this year but if you want to we can...I just didn't want to do it or not do it if you weren't. Just let me know". Maybe I'm as lost as she is.
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
Bless your FIL. That was such a kind and thoughtful gesture to come to your office and give you a gift. You are so lucky that he is there for you.
As for your wife, well, she's coming out to play for the holiday. So, what are you going to do about the stockings? Do them or not do them? At least she is showing some concern for the pets. A little late in asking, but then again, they can't plan two minutes ahead and she may be opening the door for a bit of dialogue w/you.
All of them need our prayers this holiday season. We will most definitely get through this w/our faith intact.
Merry Christmas!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
