In the UK - PT21 feeling stuck

[Huddy]

This is mainly based on a private conversation with NDY, but I think it's important to share a viewpoint that I have reached.

Firstly, you really don't start DB'ing until you have dropped the rope. You take a long time to get to that point and then you draw a line. My 'line' was taking the kids away. It is, without doubt, the most selfish thing to do to the LBS - taking the children that you brought in to the world, made with love and kindness, away.

As soon as I spelt this out, you could see her face contort in to a weird, almost mask like shape. Was it a realisation that she'd lost control? Don't know, but I feel better for letting her know that I am not at her beck and call.

I now realise, that despite my best efforts, I don't think I was truly DB'ing. I was doing things, hoping all the time that W would see a change in me and turn back. Well, I think I could have done anything, and it still would have had no effect. It's about her; her problems, her selfinshness, I'm just the butt of the problem.

I think that my W probably had some kind of liaison before BD. There were various personal things that only I could do for W (or she said I could do), which a month or so before BD, she said other men had done for her. I also found a pregnancy testing kit. W denied that she had just bought it and said it was an old one, but when I went to look again, it had gone. Again, I think W probably met somebody on a night out in February 2015 (she didn't return home until 0330, claiming she'd been to McDonald's, but something didn't feel right as she wouldn't let me touch her) and I think she has fallen in love with the idea of being chased. However, I also think she likes the idea of safe dependable Huddy being in the background to do everything for her.

So now, safe dependable Huddy has decided to 'let go' and see where it takes us. Right now, I'm just keeping low. I need to recover some battery life and don't want to jump in to anything right now. I'll certainly look at taking up further activities in the New Year, but this morning I've developed a chest infection!

So, what do I expect from W now. I'm expecting her to go to her parents and have her thought reaffirmed by her sister etc. and then at some stage to start issuing spew, or trying to goad me back on to the rope. I'll have to guard against that, although I don't know what shape that will take. I'm certainly not expecting her to suddenly 'wake up' and run home - she's too far in at the moment.

So, what I discussed with NDY was bang right - until that rope has gone, you don't properly DB.