Great questions. I really dont like alot about her currently. Im pretty sure that the affair made me see her as more desirable as weird as that sounds. She is a gymrat now and is training for a fitness comp in March. She looks great.
I was really a confident guy before all this. The times we have been out together I have had several other women try to pick me up.
Before all this we had very similar dreams. We have 4 beautiful children who I dont want to come from a broken home as I did. She has a good personality. She is a hard worker. She was a very good mother but now her freedom and whims have tarnished that a bit. She left them twice alone when I was out of town on business 2 weeks ago. She tries to be their friend now as opposed to their Mom. She plays pop music and sings and dances constantly. Sanpchats, wears the same clothes they do etc.
I know this is the wrong forum but I think a big part of it is that I am afraid to be alone. I do still love her but I question the quality of that love and if isnt some dysfunction on my part. A big part of my wants to tell her to go ahead with the divorce. She did meet my emotional needs for years but I was pretty easy to please in that department. Since BD, I needed way more than she was willing to provide.
