Can you tell us more about your H's behavior in past years? It would be very helpful if we knew more about the MR before anything with OM ever happened. Is your H acting out of character, or is his reaction pretty close to his usual behavior toward you when he's upset?
I may not have explain transparency well. I often try to cover too much in one post, and not explaining in more detail. You cannot be 100% transparent, okay? And, he is absolutely correct that you could find ways around it, if you chose to do it. If he doesn't want you being transparent, then leave him alone about it. Don't mention it again. Just bear in mind that he can check your messaging, etc., if he wants to see for himself. For goodness sake, call your mother or anyone else you want (except some other guy). Stop behaving as though you are guilty of something, when you are not guilty. That is not transparency, and you are just digging your M grave deeper. Nobody should live their life the way are trying to do right now, and once you start......what happens when you stop? What will he think then? See what I mean? And following a specific transparency plan is not intended for the rest of your life. The idea for the rest of life, is not to have secret relationships apart from your H.
We cannot always prove our innocence in something, especially when there is no way to back up what we claim. When you can't prove or account for your whereabouts, don't stress out about it. Currently, you have overboard in trying to prove something he is not willing to accept. You are placing yourself in another unhealthy position by trying to prove to him that you are home, when he's left you for five hours to go party! That is nuts! You are trying to figure out how to contact your mother without him suspecting the worst? That is exactly how you end up trapping yourself.......by covering some innocent action/behavior and the end results make you appear to be guilty. Do you understand what I'm saying? Go call your mother, and if he walks in and sees you.....don't sweat it. If you are not guilty, then stop worrying about what he will do/think. If he is not willing to tell you what to do to help him trust you again, then stop fretting. That just makes you look unattractive, IMHO.
Why would he go out to GAL and leave you home alone? You are home alone, stressed out, and sending him photos of the clock every half hour.....and instead of going to the house, he offers suggestions of how OM could have gone there? Look, if he was very worried, why didn't he just go home instead of being out all night? Sure doesn't sound like the actions of the typical LBH that is found around here. Have you noticed the type of responses they have given you about how they wish their WW would do what you are willing to do? I got the same kind of posts when I first came to the board. The H's back then are just like the ones here today, who desperately want to see just a little act of hope from their WW. They talk about how crushed, devastated, heartbroken, even suicidal they felt upon learning of their W's actions. For some, their first response was anger. But I don't remember any H reacting to their WW's willingness to work at transparency and saving the M in the same manner your H is showing. Perhaps they intentionally left that part out.....IDK. I just know you have to immediately stop behaving like some scared little mouse that runs from her own shadow.
Go about your business and daily life. Stop sweating the traffic, and go shopping, go to the salon or whatever else you normally would do. Just cut out anything that would appear as flirtatious behavior, or that would suggest you have something to hide.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
