Bah-Humbug

[Underdog]

Since I'm 2 hours behind you, feel free to buzz me any time. I miss you too. Actually, I miss a lot of you.

Innocence lost. I think that's a really observant comment, Ginger.

I couldn't listen anymore. The thought of OWW's family watching MY daughter's excitement on when she see's what Santa brought her, probably on the last year she will believe, hurt me too bad. Angered me.

I actually think this is a good boundary. Your D9 is now old enough to understand cause and effect and I think it's totally fair of you to ask for this boon.

The anger thing sounds like it surprised you, no? Just remember that anger is a very useful tool to propel us to make changes. A call to action, if you will. I have no doubt that you and your IC will use this to help you move forward.

What do you think about taking the best of the DB principles and applying them when needed, and using your excellent intuition to take control of the wheel? I don't think it's in any one of our natures here to be a constant submissive in all processes in our lives. I won't deny that it's helped me tamp down an ever emerging desire for control, but there really are times and circumstances that need leadership. Don't run from them!

Before you compare yourself to your friends... it's really easy to see your friends in wholesome, equitable marriages and truly happy, Ginger. I don't think it's our place to be circumspect about others' marriages, but I'll share my telescope with you since I'm 54 and am a decade+ ahead of you on this path. At 40, I was the first of my friends and big circle to separate and ultimately divorce. At 54, I can't tell you how many friends have jumped in the pool. Some extremely close friends whose marriages seemed solid have fallen apart. I guess I'm surprised that these people made it through some extraordinarily tough times only to call it quits later down the road. Some are agreeable and others are acrimonious.

What I'm saying is that in 10 years, you're going to have company in your boat. You'll probably add a few very close friends. And if they ultimately reconcile, there will be hardships in marriages among your friends. Of my core college friends (there are 4 of us), only one is truly happily married. Two of us are divorced and one is status quo (her husband is miserable, though). So... don't think that you will be the odd man out for the rest of your life, okay?

And BTW, I actually understood your entire post. Your perceived dysfunction makes sense to me LOL.

And one side note, I really can't manage bah humbug this year. For some reason, I really am happy this year. The girls and I had a really good Thanksgiving with my family in DC, and we did stuff together - walked through Arlington National Cemetery, "visited" those relatives who are 6 feet under (or above Haha), went out to dinner, saw A Christmas Carol at Ford's Theater (my treat) and a political satire comedy. We all agreed at the end of the weekend that we would much rather give time to spend with each other as gifts than buying crap. It seemed like a major rubicon to cross.

Then D19 played the Ghost of Christmas Future (because she can point super well and the role doesn't require speaking LOL). For whatever reason, I'm really trying to focus on the little happy things. Because outside of them, work svcks, my clients are not spending money thanks to the election results and I'm generally agitated. The blinders seem to help.

One last thing:

So, no matter how much I despise it, I try to give it to my D the best I can.

This is all you can do, and you do it really well. So give yourself a big old pat on the back. You're not repeating your mom with your D9. You're aware of that, and I think that's a conscious decision and super evolved. I did the same for years. But I'll tell you that come New Year's day, my house was wiped clean of all traces of Christmas. I might do that this year too, but I've had all these decorations up since mid November LOL. I don't think D22 is aware of how difficult it was for me to muster the energy to do that. But then again, that was my goal.

You're a great mom, Ginger.

xxxooo