Help - boundaries. Am I doing th ewrong thing?

[Woke_Up]

Thanks Surfer, Thanks V

I kept my voice recorder on me last night. Unfortunately quality not great - was in my trouser pocket, so picked up scratching against keys much better than voice audio, but I should be able to clear it up on some of my audio editing software.

I was in a pretty bad mood. WW was calmer. She said I was hostile, I just said I was very upset at being called a rapist, to which her reply was that she wouldn't be punished. I said it was her punishing me for her EA, as this was the only reason I was out of the MBR. This should be on the recording.

I spoke about me moving into the study and making that my room. This works for me, as I don't have the bad memories as I do from being in the spare room when I found out about EA, and it also makes a statement that I will have my own space and not be treated like a 2nd class citizen in my own home and shoved into the spare room. It also buggers up her plans for the study, so she doesn't seem to keen, but hopefully it will get cogs turning in her mind.

Anyway, we talked calmly later, talked about her granddad's death, talked about her messages to me. I asked her to take it back, and she verbally did - hopefully this is recorded also. I asked for her to do it in text, she hasn't but did say that she wasn't going to send it to the police or anything like that - also hopefully on the recording.

She said she would be ending her EA soon (heard that before) but that didn't mean I could just barge my way into the room. Unsolicited, she told me she loved me a couple of times. She also talked bout the EAP a little bit, in a critical fashion.

So, WW is a bit of a swingometer at the minute, and the slightest thing can set her off. I will keep the voice recorder on me.

I have taken your advice and screen captured the messages - they are also synced to my laptop. I emailed them to 2 different accounts.

Still planning to see a L ASAP, together with evidence of messages. Hopefully never be needed but I understand the importance of protecting myself for the future should the worst come to the worst.

I will work on the other points, particularly listening without engaging (difficult). I think that has to be the way, as history has shown that exiting usually makes matters worse - she perceives it as running away from a resolution whereas I perceive it as giving myself space to keep calm.

Number 6 on your list is no problem, worst vice I have these days is vaping.

No 5 is difficult due to my hours at work, getting home late, getting D to bed and settled. It was after 9PM before I even had time to think last night, and then had to be dad's taxi for S. I generally do some exercise every night before bed though.

Thank you, though, just thank you. The advice is great, and it's good to know that I'm not alone, that others have been through very similar things, and have come out the other side.