Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 7

[PsySara]

I am trying to remember how the conversation turned sour and I think it's when WH started telling me why he chose OW (I mentioned he chose someone who wasn't Muslim, didn't cover and drank alcohol). He started telling me how she was affectionate, appreciative and some other stuff. I told him I felt taken for granted, that I felt all the things I did for him were unnoticed and held to an unfair standard. (How can you compare the availability of a mother of three to a single 21 year old?) He then started saying he was a great husband to me (before the affair) and how I was basically never good. I can't remember the specifics but that was the overall theme. He said I made all these demands once I found out about the affair; I said no contact and cut all ties with OW, read How To Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair, and MCing) He said he would never show me remorse because he is not motivated.

HE said I needed to really think about why I would stay with someone who cheated and then refused to do what I needed to trust and heal. He said I should lookk for a lawyer when I get back. I kind of sat there stunned and then quietly said he was right. That two MCers had told me he was a lost cause and had dx'd him as narcissistic personality disorder. I told him that I felt he may be too toxic to keep around me and the kids. He blurted out that I could have the kids. I stared at him and then told him I hated him for what he had done, I hated that he could do what he did to me while pregnant and knowing that it would destroy the kids future. He had absolutely no expression. He did agree with me and said he felt nothing for me, that he was done.

The funny thing? I never yelled or cursed, I just quietly agreed.

WH eventually came home last night and slept in the spare room. He was slamming drawers and never said a word to me. I think I will file for divorce once the house is closed on. I will seek sole custody and won't even seek child support. I will start looking around for a good child therapist so I can get them help while they process this. What can I say? I poured my heart and soul into this and WH is the same person he was the day he cheated on me. He can only focus on his pain and his needs, no one else matters to him but himself. I can't let my children grow up with that.