[BrightFuture]

This is a long post again. I apologize. I broken it into two... Here is the rest of it...

Anyway, H said that he would probably see me at the vacation home place… I wonder if he is going to the same party, as these people are his friends as well. I’m not making anything out of it. I’m kind of the mood that I accept the status quo for now, which he also seems eager to maintain (we discussed the business and his invoices coming to PO box for me to pick up and deposit… and me renewing his XM radio… and AAA bill that I paid and he needs to pay me his portion of it…) But… I’m thinking that this status quo is not going anywhere… It is just convenient for him, and he keeps leaving his life the way he wants, and there is no remorse or regret, or anything… I tried to keep an eye contact with him today when he came to the house. I noticed that he tried not to look me strait in the eyes when I was looking at him. While I was pretty "bold" and confident, I think he was kind of avoiding the direct contact. I think this is strange… I thought we passed that threshold a long time ago. I think that he is content with his life and gets the single man benefits, which suits him well. I think I’m ready to move on again. I thought I was ready before that lipstick “incident”… This delayed me by about 6 months… Grrr…. I don’t like it… As long as there are no more “incidents” like that, I think I’m ready to drop the rope. I think this man is seriously stuck in the nowayback land, that I just cannot afford to have any hope anymore. Needless to say that he hasn't had any real relationship since BD, so there e is probably still hoping to find that one “harmonious relationship” of his dreams… I don’t have any more time for this…

Sorry for the long post again. I know people don’t normally read the long posts. But… I had to get it out of my chest…

Tried to change my name here, as I don’t want to be BrightFuture anymore, I want to be BrightNow (as the things I want are no longer in the future, they are here and now…), but could not do that. Got some kind of error… I will try again later.