Moving on to the next phase

[Pax_luv]

Thanks for thinking I'm handling this well job and Sotto. I'm a good faker

You all know the roller coaster... I don't need to be a broken record... But I'm in a bit of a dip. Sometimes I sit back in disbelief thinking.... How did it come to this? How could we not have worked through this? Why hasn't he shown any hesitation?

Saturday was my pj day and I ended up watching stbx's favorite Christmas movie (it's also a romance). Cried throughout the movie and when it was over I even pulled out the scrapbook he made me and sifted through it page by page..... I sobbed And kept shaking my head.... What the f happened? I knew I shouldn't have looked, but I did it anyway. I saved my last bday card he gave me and i keep it in the book. In it, he just gushes over me and our life together. He can't believe how much more he falls for me year after year. And just a few months later was the kid ultimatum and shortly after that- ILYBINILWY.

Again, I have to believe this isn't about me. But what if I'm wrong?

It's the holidays and I think the current state of things just makes it all cut a bit more.

Then again, I have to remind myself that I need to value myself more. Why on earth would I want someone like stbx in his current state as my life partner??? I certainly can't think I'd want him as the father of my future children. ick.

Ugh. Yeah... I admit, I put myself back on the rollercoaster and am paying the emotional toll. I'll be back on stable ground soon. Bleh. Thanks for reading.